𝟐𝟓 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 → 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐤𝐨𝐤𝐮

the end

tw; major character death, consumption of pills, suicide and hanging

atsushi set his last letter under the pile of letters that he wrote to akutagawa under a pen. he hoped he has read them all. he tried to smile at the thought of meeting his husband again. even though he had an inkling feeling that he might not. he still has high hopes, regardless of the doubt that settled deep within him.

he stood up from his chair, slowly walking towards the door that lead to the basement. it wasn't used in quite a while, so he thought it would be harder for his friends to find his body rotting away down there. he glanced at the small, lonesome table in the corner where he had placed a pill bottle, a blade and a thick bundle of rope. so many choices to choose from.

this was it. no going back now, he thought. it was his chance to see his deceased lover again.

between choosing the blade and the rope, he chose the latter. he thought of using the blade, but it would make a huge mess and would ruin his plan of going out unnoticed. swallowing the pills would help accelerate the process and a way to somehow ignore the agonizing pain from strangulation. he took the whole bottle and placed in inside his pocket for now.

the ceiling fan in the center seemed sturdy enough despite the god-awful status of the basement. he took the chair situated next to the table and placed it where he'd stand on the right spot. atsushi, with rope in hand, took a deep breath. it was scary. really scary.

but he had to do it. he just had to.

he stepped on the run-down chair, managing to find balance and tied the rope to the metal pole to the ceiling fan in a secure noose. he gulped, hands shaking.

he retrieved the bottle of pills in his pocket, pouring a decent amount inside his mouth and keeping it there. he wobbled on the run-down chair, feeling his knees go weak and jelly. sweat began to form on his forehead, dripping down to the side of his face.

he placed the noose around his neck with trembling hands. then he pulled, kicking over the chair that makes him fall forward the last minute whilst swallowing the pills kept in his mouth dry. atsushi choked on his own breath, the rope restricting his airflow from reaching his lungs. the pills he swallowed didn't even kick in yet. he felt the slow agony of the rope tightening around his neck, skin being colored a harsh red.

he felt like he was about to combust. saliva dripped down from his chin from his mouth hanging wide open, face turning purple. this was not what he had in mind. he thought it could have been quick with the aid of the pills, but it was even worse than he thought.

tears dripped from his bulging eyes, face looking sickly and nearly foaming at the mouth. all of his thoughts flashed back to his old life. his friends. his lover. his death.

his whole entire being.

what does a dying man think of as he watches his life flash before his eyes?

he isn't sure. maybe what could have been? had his lover lived long enough he would know.

atsushi endured it. he endured the pain in his neck. how his body lingered high enough for his feet to not touch the ground. he took everything in. all of it. all of his feelings, his fears, his sense of morality.

everything that made atsushi be himself.

in mere moments, he took his last breath. darkness overcame him completely, with his last thoughts of meeting with his beloved in the afterlife somewhere.

he's been waiting for this day. for all the days that had gone by. suffering. grieving. weeping.

atsushi gave up everything for him.

how he wished for so much. how he masked his pain behind closed doors.

only to see darkness yet again.

the dreaded feeling returns once more.

somewhere he knows.

he knows that he will never see his former lover ever again.