Hard Habit to Break #Wattys2017

HHB (25)

- Rhian -

I've never had this much of pain before, not even the first time Jason and I broke up.

But I know I deserve to feel all of this... I caused a lot of pain to Glaiza, kitang kita ko yun nung isang gabi nang magkausap kami...

There's so much rage of emotions in her eyes...even when she kissed me, ramdam na ramdam ko ang galit nya... Just a thought of her anger makes me feel more pain inside.

"Hon, You're cry for almost a day,.. Ano ba talaga ang nangyari?" Usisa ni Jason sakin nang pumasok ito sa kwarto ko dahil hindi ako bumangon buong araw.

Ni hindi ako nakaligo o kumain...pakiramdam ko kasi na paralyzed ang buo kong katawan...

Paulit ulit ang mga sinasabi ni Glaiza sa utak ko

Umiling iling lang ako sa tanong ni Jason dahil walang lakas ang lalamunan ko para magsalita...

"I'll get you something to eat, ok? Teka lang..." Bago pa man makatayo si Jason, pinigilan ko na ito.

"We need to talk Jase,.." Finally, I manage to say something

"Yeah, sure... Kasi nag aalala na ako sayo at buong araw kang hindi nagsasalita..."

"I can't do this... Im so sorry..."

Na pasalubong ang mga kilay ng kaharap ko...

"Do what hon?"

"I can't marry you." Then I started to cry again

"I can't... *cries*"

"What the F Rhi?! Ano to??! It's just 3 days before the wedding tapos sasabihin mo lng na you can't?!"

I don't know how and what reason will I give him but I mean it, hindi ko na kayang ituloy ang pagpapakasal sa kanya

"Sya ba? Sya ba ang dahilan? Mahal mo?!"

"Jase, hindi ito dahil kay Glaiza... Neither of you don't deserve me... I'm so sorry... I thought magiging madali lang ang lahat... I thought everything will fall back into places pero nagkamali ako... Di na pala babalik ang dati kahit pa magpakasal ako sayo... Patawarin nyo ako... I am not worthy of you..."

"Rhi, mahal kita... And you are worthy of everything! Please don't do this to me... We'll figure it out... And I'll do my best to make it just like the old times."

"No... Please Jase, I know you can but I can't... Ako ang may problema... Ako ang may deperensya... So as early as this, save yourself from my misery... Coz realize that I can't love you the way it used to before..."

Napahagulgol si Jason sa harap ko... I try to be blind and deaf at the same time... I know I became so selfish, unworthy and doltish but hindi ko kayang makadamay pa nang iba sa misery my buhay ko...

"Tell me honestly, mahal mo ba sya kesa sakin??!" He look at me straight in my eyes

"It does matter Jase..."

"It does Rhian!!! Kaya sagutin moko!"

"Oo mahal ko sya! Mahal ko pala talaga sya Jason.... *cries* at ang laki kong gaga dahil nagpadala ako sa takot ko. Takot akong aminin sa sarili ko na kagaya na din nya ako... Nagkakagusto sa babae... Takot akong magaya sa mga babaeng dumaan lang sa buhay ni Glaiza, kilala moko... I wanted a lifetime commitment and a faithful love... A happy ever after... I've been with her for so long and I saw everything that happened in her life... Got a girl in a minute, break up afterwards... Fall in love in a week, moved on for a day... Have a one night stand,.. Pero nagkamali ako dahil kitang kita ko sa mga mata nya ang lahat nang magkausap kami... The pain, the love, the sufferings, those things that I never see in her... I saw how she try to fight for her love but I was a fool to let it go... And now, I have nothing Jase, I have nothing to offer to you... Not even my love or myself... Glaiza took it away..." I cried again like there's no tomorrow