Mariah

20

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A cabin. I was dragged to a cabin. Now I sit here, bound to a chair, helpless. What is he going to do to me?! My heart did backflips in my chest, my stomach wrenching as the sound of footsteps approach, who's is it though? Governor? Amy? Ryan? ...Carl?... No. I gave myself up, he must hate me for hating him, but do I? That's the real question. For all we've been through, what we could have been.

Experiment.

His words echo through my skull, what does it mean? The aching pang in my chest at the thought of Carl, my best friend of 8 years... the one who understood me, always calmed me down, kept me safe, saved me a billion times. That's not even an understatement. He didn't just save me from walkers, the Governor, or any of the assholes who target me. No. He also saved me from myself. I never realized until now, that Carl never really stopped caring about me, when I had a seizure after hearing Angel-Amy say 'I love you', he was there, holding me. And I just shrugged him off, when I tried to... Kill myself... He brang me back from the depths of the inbetween. I didn't understand until now, my most possible last moment on this earth.

Goodbye Mariah.

This, right here, saving my people, this is the best 'goodbye' I could ever give. So,

"Goodbye Carl."

My voice came out shaky, full of fear and whole hearted love. Love...? The footsteps had ceased and a cringing sound from a tarnished creeky door opening was audible from through this damned cabin. Governor had appeared in the crooked doorway. A creepy smirk along with his careless posture. I glared metaphorical daggers at him as he approached my shaking form. He laid his calloused hand on my shoulder, my body jolting at the interaction. Why me? I'm not pretty. I'm not perfect, but in the eyes of this sick individual, apparently I was. This is it. I can't fight him, I'm to weak. His hand wrapped around my throat, squeezing roughly, I yelped out a strangled cry as the rope burns stung. A tear slipped from my eye as I just sat there. I'm doing this for them, my family, my group, my dad, Rick, Judy, Carl. I had put so much non needed pressure on all of them. The pain I caused Carl, the heart ache I cause my father, and the disapointment I set on the group. I'm a shameful soul, a sin. I deserve this. Sickly enough, I know it. I am going to die, but for the good, the best. For them.

"We never finished what we started missy." His raspy voice sending uncomfortable chills down my spine,

"Tell me why." I whimpered,

"Why? Why not? I like to keep the world this way, real. This is the apocalypse, the end of humanity, I'm just simply helping it  along." He smirked, letting go of the throbbing flesh on my neck,

"Just fucking do it." I spat,

He chuckled darkly, staring at my neck, rubbing his rough fingers against the raised flesh,

"Good girl."

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There once again, I sit, sore on this wooden chair, sore. Tired.

It's for them.

I told myself this at least 60 times, over and over. I deserve this pain, but now, I'm not scared, I'm ready to die. It's like this is what I was born to do. I sit here, alone, waiting for my death sentence. And I welcome it. My eyes darted from side to side looking for my ripped clothing, that once was on my body, I'm naked, exposed. I see them, only to find them laying in a heap beside my bound feet. It was gone. My virginity, taken by a sick bastard who gets off on pain, and heart ache. Something meant for someone you love. It makes me wonder if he's ever touched Amy... This thought isn't as pleasing as I would expect it to be; my soon-to-be murderer being molseted or possibly raped by her own father. Sick, low, disgusting pig of a father. To my surprise, I don't even wish it opon her. I don't wish the sick feeling of him against me on her.

I deserve this.

"I rember tears streamin' down your face when I said I'd never lwt you go." I sadly sang,

The thing is, I'm not sad because I'm going to die, not because I was sexually abused, I'm sad because of the pain I'm causing them right at this very moment. They didn't want me to go. They wanted me to stay, Rick was willing to die, for me. For us. I'm sad because my father will lose me, the only thing he has left. I mean, maybe Carol is there, but she won't mend the hole in his heart from a deceased little girl. They all should hate me. I'm sitting here fearless while they weep from their loss of me. Once again causing pain. But I'm still here, breathing in the dust from the aging cabin. Waiting be become a heatrless, mindless beast. A monster, more of one then I've already become.

"When all those shadows almost killed your light."

Carl...

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