Don't Let Go (Sequel to Hold On JackABoy)

Chapter 12- I'm Ready

Jacks POV

Run.

The only instinct I had, the only thing I'm good at.
I can't do this. He's here. They're here. They're here.
Together.

I ran into up the staircase and towards our room.
I pushed my room key in and pulled it out, it didn't budge. I put it in wrong. "Come on!" I yelled and slammed the door attempting to open it again.
The handle turned and I ran in closing the door and locking it. I threw over the inside lock so Jade won't be able to open incase she did bring her key down.

I run into my suitcase and throw everything out.
I throw pills and clothes out one by one. Sweating at the thought. "There it is" I grab it.. I may be two years clean but I can't just chuck them. I grab the new container I have picked because Jade knows about Jeremy's altoid tin. 

I run into the bathroom closing the door and locking it just incase Jade gets into the hotel room. I just need it.

I sit against the tiles and the bathroom tub. The thoughts running through my head were confusing.
Because I have been so clean I have the voice of reason running with my old ones.

Do it.

You can't

You want it

You'll ruin so much progress

All you do is fuck up anyway

It'll be so hard to go back to being strong

It's all you have it makes you feel better

Please don't

Feel that itch in your skin you want it.

"AHH" I exhaled sobbing. "I dont know! I dont know what to do!" I screamed into the bathroom tears streaming down my face.
I pulled up my sleeves and made no hesitation while I dug the razor into my wrist.

STOP STOP

The voice of reason yelled in my head as it slowly faded away. All there was, was my empty head. I was emotionless. I don't even think I was breathing.
It hurt. It hurt so bad and I loved it. I flinched as I slid threw my wrist a second time. Deeper than before. I watched the blood pour out. There was no bubbling it was too deep. I continued 5 more times deeper and deeper.

I hadn't even noticed the banging on the door. It was faint as Jade was still at the first door. I sighed and stood up I grabbed the sink as my vision went blurry and almost fell. I rubbed my head and looked down at my jacket. Or 3 of them I should say my vision was really blurry. 
I bent over and grabbed it which gained more dizziness. I put it on looking at my hands. No blood.
Not yet any way.
I unlock the bathroom door and Walk toward the front door. I unlock the door and slowly open it taking a few steps back and look up. My eyes widen as the flamey read locks of Mark's hair catch me by surprise.

I look at Jade and point to Mark but make no eye contact. "What is he doing here?" I spit out he in anger, but I'm more hurt.
I can tell his eyes are on me. I want so badly to disappear to curl up in a ball and not exist.
"I know Jack I don't want him here he was too stubborn." Jade says to me  as I drop my head. I don't want to make eye contact.

Mark pushes through Jade and the door into the room. "Jack I need to talk to you." I watch his feet stop once he's in. 
"Jack I remember you. Its been two years and even though I had no memory the colour green always made me sad, the thought of St Paddys day made me depressed and I never understood. Until.. now.
I hurt you and I've never been more sorry in my life.
I was drunk and I didnt know unti-"

That made me furious he's blaming alcohol, I cut him off.
"NO!" I yelled "Do not blame alcohol for your decision!" I looked at him rage in my eyes. He stopped at the sudden eye contact.

I grabbed my head and stumbled back. At the sudden whip of my head.
"Jack?" I heard Jade question.

"Is.." Mark started and stopped. "Is that blood?" Mark questioned as he stepped toward me.
"No-" I tried to stay stepping back to get away from him but I stumbled back and everything began to go away.

"Jack oh my god please no. I just got you back!"
I heard Mark yell.
"Fuck" Jade ran over, I could tell by her shoes.
"Give me your phone, GIVE ME YOUR PHONE" I heard Mark yell.

"Hi hello? N- no my f-friend He passed out! I think he's dieing, please hurry- no help is being given we dont know CPR. Please please hurry. Lupen-Straus hotel. Please.. he's bleeding. Please.." I heard him sigh as he set down the phone.

It was like I was dead but I could still hear.
They say the last sense you loose before you die is your hearing.
Is this death? It's so nice and peaceful.

I'm ready..

_________________
Sorry this was late I got super high and then the next day my school got evacuated because of a Bomb and we were in a shelter in place 3 1/2 hours until the police evacuated us with rifles and police dogs as bomb squad came so...it was really emotionally draining yaknow?
Hope you like the update remember to vote and comment!!-X