Don't Let Go (Sequel to Hold On JackABoy)

Chapter 50- My Life

(In memorial of Jade an accidental pizza box sketch by the one and only @peebles.is.trash )

Jacks POV

It's been 3 months since Jade has passed. It still feels off, although I've gotten used to it. The past few months I've cried less, which feels right. You know they all ways say "life goes on." But no matter how true that is, you don't really want too. In a way I feel guilty for getting better. It feels like I should still be on the ground sobbing, starving myself too the bones, bleeding out. However, it feels good to be better, if I don't think about Jade. It's not that I don't want to, and I think that's the guilty factor, you just forget; not completely, but enough.
I've been clean for one month and a half now, thanks to the help of my fiancé Mark. I've made an effort to stay clean ever since he proposed. I've also been eating again, and it's weird. It's weird because I feel good, content. But, just because it's often a flaw to forget. I still make the effort to drive up to her grave, and I read to her for an hour. At first I wanted nothing to do with her grave, I didn't want to see it. For when I did, I collapsed at the sight of her glasses, engraved on the face of it. We make sure there is enough plants near her grave, and a few baby cacti. Just this past Saturday I read her a few chapters from Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone. Normally, I would buy a new book she hasn't read, but I thought I'd feel closer if I chose one of her old ones. After I read to her, I stay for a bit, sitting on the ground, and just inform her of whats going on, in my life; the world. Jade may be gone, but I'm getting better. Something I know she'd be glad to see.

A tear fell from my face onto the page as I smiled. For it wasn't a tear of sorrow but a tear of joy. I smiled back on the letter I had wrote for my therapy sessions. This particular note must have been about two years old. Since then I've been much happier.

Mark and I have been married for a little over a year now and are still living together. Mak left shortly after this litter, as she wanted a fresh start, and felt she couldn't latch onto me forever, we still talk, but not as much. Last place I knew she was, was in Beijing. She had decided to travel the world, to see knew things as "We can't live forever" in her words.

Mark still uploads videos, and yet still no one knows we've been married, well subscribers I mean, the whole "Team Internet" does. At first I was skeptical but they were good about the whole Dan and Phil relationship for years.

I haven't hurt myself in over two years, it's really hard to believe. In fact Mark has begun trusting me with razors again. Before if I wanted a shave he had to watch. Now he checks the bathroom, shortly after I finish, to make sure the razor is still intact. He doesn't know I know, but it's ok, as long as he thinks I believe him, hopefully soon he'll believe me.

As for Jade I still read to her, now not as much but still often. I don't feel bad about it, I needed to live for myself, and I know that's exactly what she would have wanted. It has taken me a long time to realize this, and sometimes I still struggle with it, but I'm coping, and continue to get better and better with each passing day, especially with the help of Mark.

My eyes trace my desk, looking around for the want that has washed over me. The idea that has not crossed my mind in years. They fall upon my old camera, which I kept for memories. I looked at it hesitantly for a bit before checking the clock.
"4:20, Mark wouldn't be home until five.."
With a little bit more thinking I grabbed it and in a way scurried to Marks recording room. Hooking up the camera and making a few adjustments I hit record, standing in front of the blinking light.

I froze at my progress, as a deer in head lights. Do I really want to do this? Crossed my mind. Along with how I'm not even sure I remember how to be a youtuber, until one reflex past my mind. Taking a shaky breath in I began.

"Okay, okay, happy jack happy, Jack where is he? Come on Jack a boy," I whispered to myself.

"TOP O' TA MORNIN' T' YA LADIES!! MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE AND WELCOME BACK TO.." My face because serious, lowering my screaming self. A smile grew big on my face from nostalgia and happiness as I continued. "My Life."

End.

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Guys, I'm so emotional. You don't even know I just finished my first book series.
I hope you liked this journey, and thank you for sticking through it! Especially those who were here from the beginning.

I hope you noticed the iconic "happy jack" quote from the first chapter of the first book, I thought that would be an excellent way to bring this too an end.

If you don't follow me and liked this series, I really suggest to do so, as great things should becoming soon, just like "Hollow Howell" which is my other book I just began.

Seriously guys this means a lot to me, I love you 💚💚.

Stay safe💚