Don't Let Go (Sequel to Hold On JackABoy)

Chapter 46- Guilt

Jacks POV

I picked my head up from Jade's hand, remembering the beeping, that damn hospital beeping. I pulled up my shaking hand, and wiped my nose. My face felt damp, I had been crying.

I sighed pushing myself up, and trailed through the dark to the restroom in Jade's room, my path only illuminated by the various machines hooked up to Jade. I closed the door, and flicked on the light, which blinded me for a second. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy. What wasn't red and puffy was black and sunken. My nose was irritated, from me rubbing it, but the rest of my face was a sickly white. My face and hair were greasy. You're disgusting. I know.

I've been here for five days, Jade has been out for five days, and she hasn't gotten any better. I haven't slept, I haven't eaten, I've barley talked. Mark keeps trying to take me home so I can shower and eat, but I just can't. I can't leave her. I looked back at the door, as if I could see her. I sighed, and turned on the tap. I leant over and splashed some water on my face.

I looked at the water hitting my hands as it turned to blood. I pulled away in a panic, however once I blinked it was gone. I shook my head, "I won't." I said to myself. But my mind tried to get the best of me.
You'll feel better.
You did this anyhow, you deserve it.
Do it.

I grabbed my arms and began to cry. "I'm sorry Jade, I'm so sorry." I looked around dazed in the thought of victory. I slowly opened the door, peaking around the room, searching for anything sharp. My eyes eventually fell on a stray piece of metal that looked like it could do the trick.

The clock read 3 am, as I thought to be quick, and to not do too much damage. I can't be put away again, this time it's hidden. Forever.

I lunged back into the bathroom, locking the door and pulling up my shirt. I looked down at my stomach, snearing at the ugly scar from the car wreck. I put the piece if metal down to my stomach just above the scar, to the right.

I pushed as hard as I could, and swiped. I suck in a but of air, and looked down. It left a thick line, that turned white. Not hard enough.
I mimicked the motion but harder, and looked down. A tiny amount of blood seeped through in 3 places out of it. It's not what I was used to, but it'll suffice.

I repeated the action, 5-6 more times, before I pulled down my shirt. I gave myself a fake smile, and put the metal in my pocket, rejoining a lifeless Jade. I sighed before I sat down, and solemnly awaited the time.

Before I knew it, Mark was in the room with me. I had been in a haze, watching nurse after nurse check on Jade. It had all went in slow motion but fast at the same time. I looked up at a worried Mark who had seemed to ask me a question. "Huh?" I murmured at him.
"Please let me take you home Jack, just for a night, you're not well." He pleaded with me. I looked back to Jade, tubes extending from her and all.
"I can't." I said slowly.
"Jack please you need sleep, you need food!" He sounded frustrated.
"I need to be here for Jade, when she wakes up." I said still looking at Jade.
"What if she's not go-" My head snapped to him, making him choose his words carefully.
"I mean, you can't be here for her if you work yourself to death." He said, gesturing to me.
"I'm fine Mark, really." I said, as he sighed in frustration.
"I don't believe you.." he said sighing, "Can I check?... please." I nodded, I knew he was talking about my arms. I smirked rolling up my sleeves, as he was looking down. "There, see. I'm ok." I said rubbing my ridged healed arm.

He made a questionable grunt, "How about your legs?" He said, as I sighed impatiently. I pulled him into Jade's restroom and took off my pants, "See healed, I'm fine." He looked at my legs for a second, and smiled looking up towards me.
"I am so proud of you." He said, attempting to pull me into a hug. Of coarse I hugged him back, and did my best not to drop my smile. He's proud of me and I let him down. I let him down.

"Just please let me bring you some food." He pressed, "Fine." I said.  "Thank you." He said kissing me, before running out. However he turned back, "Oh and Jack?" I looked back up at him, "Put some pants on." I flipped him off as he laughed and walked out.

Once I had put my pants back on, I decided to sit in my usual place, next to Jade. I grabbed her hand rubbing it. "Wake up soon hun, please. I love you." I said placing a small kiss on her hand. I laid my head down, watching her hand as I rubbed it for a bit, as I dozed off. The insomnia began to wear off as drowsiness seemed to punch me in the face.

I woke up to a long eternal beeping. It just didn't seem to stop, I mumbled at the inconvenience to my slumber, and slapped around for the alarm. It was a few moments before I remembered there was no alarm. I shot up and looked at Jade and up to her monitor. Flat.. I stood up and looked to run for the hall, when a few nurses and doctors ran in.

I looked back to Jade, as the doctors began compressions. A nurse attempted to hold me back I believe but all I could hear was that flat line.
Jade's flat line. My eyes widen as the began to shock her.

I was pushed by nurses toward the door, as I anxiously tried to get towards Jade. "Please." I mumbled as I was pushed closer to the hall.
As I was pushed into the hallway involuntarily, my hearing let one thing through.
"Time of death 13:45" I heard Jade's doctor speak.

This can't be real.
They have to bring her back.
She can't die.

I screamed, I yelled. I dropped, as the nurses tried to hold me up. "Jade!" I screamed.
"I'm sorry sir, I'm so sorry." I heard one of the nurses utter that abused line. One of those lines they must say as compassion, but rarely ever mean.

I dropped to my knees once their arms grew tired.
I just stared blankly into her room.
I couldn't see over the sea of nurses, but I knew it happened.

She's dead. Jade's dead.

"Jade?" I mumbled, unable to blink, looking past the nurses who had brought me a wheel chair.

"Jade?"

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I'm sorry-Phantom