Dead Meme- An Adam Montague Fanfiction

Chapter 3: False Exshrektations

(Part 3! Have fun.)

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SHREK."

Adam was furious. He couldn't believe the ogre sitting before him. Adam was pregnant with the God's child, and was going to give birth any day now. 

That sentence was the last thing he said to the ogre before exiting the gates of heaven.

"Wait, Sugartits!" Shrek yelled, but he couldn't wait any longer! The baby was coming.

Now.

-Three weeks pass-

Shrek wouldn't do shit for Adam. Or, as Adam said it, "He was killing the baby." Now, maybe Adam was overreacting, but he still needed help. And out of rage, went to Jerry Springer. 

"Now Adam," Jerry started, "you say Shrek got you pregnant?"

Adam sniffled, "...Yes."

"And did you have Shrek put on protection?"

Adam explained that he thought Shrek couldn't get him pregnant. After all, a God like him should have been able to control his own splooge. Not to mention, they don't make condoms that big... 

"Well what would you think if we brought Shrek out here today?"

Adam just hung his head. Things couldn't get worse. Could they? Shrek flew through the window, and landed with a mighty roar. He approached Adam with a hand out until the guards appeared. Shrek wasn't afraid of them, but knew that Adam probably wanted Shrek to keep his distance for a while. 

Jerry started the conversation, "So Shrek, Adam says that you claim you won't be able to pay child support. Can you explain that to us?"

"Well I had sex with the social agents but they said-" The audience gasped. "What? They enjoyed it!"

"Shrek," Jerry started, "Your wife Fiona wants to come out to talk to you, okay?" 

Shrek got a frightened look on his face. "Oh no no, you don't want to that!" Jerry continued, "Calling out, FIONA."

Shrek sighed, "Don't exshrekt this to go well."

Fiona stomped out, making both Adam and Shrek step back. "H-Honey-" Shrek stumbled over his words. 

"I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT SHREK. I'M TIRED."

Shrek looked frightened, his secrets were about to get out.

"FIRST IT WAS NICK CAGE. THEN ALL FOUR OF THE WIGGLES. EVEN HARAMBE WHEN HE WAS BANISHED TO HEAVEN FOR ATTEMPTING TO RAPE THAT LITTLE BOY..."

Shrek's member was getting rather ershreked thinking about all of the great sex he had, and he wasn't sure what to do. Fiona turned to Adam, "AND YOU! I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU. WHAT DO YOU THINK? YOU CAN 'COME' IN AND TAKE MY MAN?"

On cue, Shrek's member shot his onion juice all over the room, through his skimpy tight pants. This enraged Fiona, her husband actually came when she talked about his secret girlfriend?!? She started to lunge at Adam, who carefully dodged the attack, trying not to hurt himself. He first thought about Shrek's slime. Was Adam truly a cum-bucket? Or did Shrek really love Adam?

Shrek used his telepathy to contact Adam. It was a power that only gods like him had, and Adam had forgotten about. 

-Adam, I'm speaking using my telapathy. Baby, I treated you wrong, and you didn't deserve it. Fiona is a crazy crackwhore who might kill you. I can't let that happen.-

Adam gave Shrek a nod of approval. Shrek flew over to him and grabbed him by dat booty. They flew away to heaven, where they raised the baby. He was named Shad, and his Fathers fucked him until death.

And they all lived,

Happily ever after. (Unless you guys request a sequel.)

But for now,

THE END.

(I'm sorry...)