Himitsu (Book One of the Kakureta Hana series)

VII: Shichi

I don't sleep well that night, and towards the end of it, I end up outside my tent staring up at the stars while men snore around me. I'm startled when someone sits down next to me. Taro merely looks up at the sky with me.

We remain silent for a few minutes, content to enjoy the semi-quiet. Unable to stop myself any longer, I blurt out, "Do you think I did the right thing, Taro, suggesting that Ryuu be the one to fight?"

"I think that he was a good choice. The boy worries too much about making sure that what he does is pleasing to you. I think by forcing him into this situation, you are allowing him to see that he needs to find his own self and who he is rather than worrying about what you think about him," Taro says carefully. "He was much the same way with your fathers. Ryuu always sought first the approval of his own father, who would have been proud of him even if he had turned out to be the worst samurai in the land, and then your father's approval, which was difficult to earn.

"Your father had a way of devouring someone's very essence before spitting them out in disappointment. That's part of what drew so many great men to him, but it also destroyed some of the finest warriors I ever had the privilege to meet. Your mother did right by you as long as she could, and I do believe that she tempered his ferocity. By losing her, he lost the part of him that helped keep him in control."

"I may never forgive myself if something happens to Ryuu because I convinced him to fight," I whisper, staring at my hands uncomfortably after the talk of my parents.

Gently, Taro raises my face, so he can stare me in the eyes. "Your father ruined a part of you after your mother died. It wasn't intentional, but I can see the scars even now. He threw himself into battle so frequently that it was as if you were an orphan, and when he was at home, he always was harsh with you."

"He was harsh before Mother died. It just became more prominent after her passing," I correct. "It never seemed like I could do anything right. I believe he always thought me to be his worst failure, but there was nothing he could do to fix me."

"You were his greatest treasure. He may have never told you, but Amachi Mamoru always loved you. Often he would tell his men about your keen mind and how confident he was that one day he would leave this clan in capable hands."

I sigh, knowing that Taro often spoke the truth as he saw it, but I am not sure if that was truly what my father had thought. A man is supposed to be proud of his son, but what happened when that son was really a girl? Did it change the measure by which they held their pride? It has only been a year since my father's passing, yet here I am still trying to please him.

"I fear that I may not be as capable as he thought," I whisper before rising and returning to my bedding. Staring up at the cloth roof, I spend the rest of the night alone with my thoughts and my worries.

Ryuu looks like he got more sleep than me when we actually meet up before the proposed fight. It does make me wonder how much of it is an act for me though. He strides toward me and whispers in my ear, "We have had an unexpected development."

I raise an eyebrow before asking, "What do you mean by that, Ryuu? Is it a good development or a bad development?"

"It's one of those shinobi." His thoughts upon the matter bleed into his words. "He claims that he's in the service of Shogun Fujioka currently. Would you like me to kick him back to where he came from with stern words not to return?"

"If he is indeed from the shogun, we shouldn't do that. Where is he right now?" I ask, eyes scanning the expanse of men to see if I can spot the unknown person.

My general crosses his arms. "He's back at my tent talking to Taro right now. I was not about to leave him to wander the camp without someone we trusted with him, and I needed to get ready to face Raiden's champion this morning."