Himitsu (Book One of the Kakureta Hana series)

IX: Kyuu

Ryuu is staring off at the horizon with anxious eyes, the missive from the shogun crumpled in his left hand.  His other is resting upon the curve of my waist.  "Emi was supposed to be back days ago.  And I cannot delay going off to the shogun's side any longer than I already have."

I reach over and gently unfurl his fingers to remove the letter.  "I will be fine, Ryuu.  I am sure that Emi will be back any moment now, and if she is not, Yori will be nearby."

"I hate leaving you with our child's arrival so near," he whispers, turning me so he can look me in the eyes.  "And there is no guarantee that the traitor is among the men that I am taking to the battlefield with me.  Taro has not been able to pin down their identity any more than I have.  This would be the time that they would seek to hurt you."

The babe kicks me in the ribs, and I swear that I can feel the breath whoosh out of my lungs at the impact.  "You need to go; there is no other option.  I will be fine.  I just ask that you not linger longer than you need to once the battle has reached its conclusion."

He tilts my head to touch his lips to mine.  "Of course, Sakura.  If Emi does not return within the next couple of days, I want you to stay with Yori and Taro or get Yori to come stay with you.  You are too close to giving birth to be alone."

"Yes, Ryuu.  We have had this discussion before, and I promise that I will not stay here alone," I say, shoving him lightly.  "Now, go gather your men and go to battle.  The sooner you get there, the sooner you can return home to me."

Ryuu steals another kiss from me before bending to kiss my protruding stomach.  Pure love shines from his eyes, stabbing me deep in the gut as surely as the babe kicking me in the ribs again.  "I love you, Sakura."

"I love you too, Ryuu," I return, watching my husband take up the reins of his horse and turn down the road to where part of the Amachi retainers are waiting to follow him to the shogun's side.  As he vanishes from sight, I rub my lower back, my body aching, before walking back inside.

The house is the quietest that it has been since our return to the clan about four months ago.  Emi had disappeared three weeks ago, her only explanation being that she had some business that she needed to take care of.

So alone I wander, the pain centering in my back dulling and sharpening in intervals.  When I reach our bedroom, I awkwardly reach for my knives, needing something, anything, to distract me.  I touch one of the hilts, grateful again that Emi had convinced Ryuu that it was all right for me to continue knife throwing and archery even in my condition.

Pain wraps around my midsection, and my fingers tighten about the smooth handle of the knife as my free hand rests against the slope of my stomach.  "You all right in there, little one?"  I ask gently.

The slight movements of the babe within me reassures me that there is nothing wrong even as the pain dulls to nearly immeasurable levels.

Knives in hand, I make my way outside to the sheltered courtyard.  The targets that Emi helped Ryuu hang in the trees sway in the breeze, and I secure the knives to my upper left arm, unable to wrap the belt about my waist.

Deep breath in, fingers curled around the knife as my focus narrows on the nearest target.  With my sharp exhale, I release the weapon from my hand, barely acknowledging the sound of it striking the wood, before moving on to the next one.

With each knife that smoothly leaves my fingers, I realize that I miss this.  Not the war, not killing people, but the feeling of freedom, the ability to pick up a weapon without someone questioning.  Satisfaction in knowing that I can handle a katana, a knife, a bow, just as well as any man despite the fact that I am a woman.