Guardian

chapter two

kellin's pov

Today we had a school assembly about depression and suicide. You see, Vic Fuentes killed himself a couple days ago. I didn’t know him, or at least not personally anyways. He was a senior and I’m only a sophomore. It’s a real shame though. He seemed like a nice guy. Then again isn’t that how it always works? It seems to me that it’s always the nicest people who are cursed with depression. Then there are the assholes who get to have the time of their lives, without a care in the world. Oh what I wouldn’t give to be like them. To just be fucking normal for a change. But no. I’m just scrawny little Kellin who is also pretty fucked up in the brain.

“If you or someone you know is suffering from depression you can always talk to the school councilor.” Yeah right. Our school certainly doesn’t give a damn about us kids. The only reason we are having this assembly is to put on a good show for the school board. All we are to the teachers is a fucking paycheck. I saw some popular girls crying when the teachers started talking about Vic. This made me sick because I knew for a fact that they never cared about Vic. Those girls were so caught up in their own little rich worlds they didn’t care about anyone. That’s how it is though. Nobody cares until you’re dead and then there’s nothing you can do about it. After that assembly it was just a regular day. As if nothing happened. No assembly, no tears, no Vic. Just regular fucked up high school. Somebody is going to sleep with their best friend’s boyfriend. Then those girls are supposedly never going to be friends again until a week later when they realize their friendship is too strong and it was really all the guy’s fault. Something like this happens at least once a week. There is so much drama you’d think high school was a soap opera. I mostly stay out of it though. I’m pretty short and really skinny, so I’m mostly just in the background.

When the final bell rang I walked around the back of the school to take the shortcut home, but before I turned the corner I heard a voice, which was strange because this part of the school was usually abandoned. “Just take the brick and meet me around midnight.” I’ve heard about the brick before. It was a brick of cocaine. I knew I should just turn around and leave. Walk away and take the long way home. But I didn’t. I peeked around the corner to see Alex Gaskarth hand Jack Barakat the brick of cocaine. I’ve never actually done cocaine before, but then again I’ve never been put in a situation where I could do cocaine. Both Alex and Jack where wearing skin tight black jeans, much like the ones I was wearing. Man did they look hot. They almost looked like a couple too. I’ve seen them around school a few time and now that I think about it they act like a couple too. I wouldn’t be surprised, they are quite adorable. Lost in my thoughts, I tripped over a trash can. Damn my clumsiness. Alex spun around. When he laid his eyes on me he had a combination of surprise and fury on his face.

“You spying on me Quinn?!” Alex shouted. Shit. I had no idea what I was going to do. Jack, Alex, Rian, and Zack were there and I knew that they could easily beat me to a pulp.

I knew I’d have to choose my words very wisely, but all I managed to stutter out was: “N-no I was just walking home and I tripped.” I managed a weary smile.

“Come here boy.” I slowly edged toward Alex. “That’s it, closer.” When I finally reached him he grabbed my face. I had no idea what he was doing but I closed my eyes. When he finally let go, Alex just threw me back at Jack and said: “Get out of here I will deal with Quinn.” I looked at Jack curiously and it seemed to me the way he looked at Alex was with love. I envied the way he looked at him, to be looked at by anyone the way jack looked at alex would be a dream.

Suddenly I just blurted out: “Are you gay?” I regretted the words as soon as I said them. I heard Rian and Zack gasp. Jack dropped the bag and Alex just looked at me with a burning fury. “…N-not that I’m o-one to judge, I mean I-I’m gay.”

I turned my head when I heard Zack laugh and say: “You’ve done it now boy.” Before I could register what he meant I felt something hard hit my face and I lost my balance. Time seemed to slow down as I fell. I realized this was not going to be the only hit I was going to get so when I finally hit the ground I sprang up as fast as I could. Before any of them could grab me I was off. Fast as I could I tried to run home. I was fast, but Alex, Jack, Zack and Rian were all on the football team and I knew I couldn’t keep this up. I was about halfway home when jack tackled me and I hit the ground with a loud thump. I couldn’t even look up when I felt someone kick me in the ribs. I yelped out in pain. Alex picked me up, hit me in the eye and I fell down again. I screamed as they battered my body. Kick after kick, punch after punch, and I was completely useless.

“I’m sorry!” I tried screaming.

“Shut the fuck up,” was the only reply I received. I don’t know how much time passed, the pain was excruciating but the embarrassment was worse. I would have to come home and my father would know that his disappointing son got beat up.

“Please…just stop” I cried. Tears were running down my cheek, all dignity gone. Nobody cared though. After an endless amount of time they finally stopped. Alex spit in my face.

“You made this too easy Quinn. It was hardly a workout.” Everybody just laughed. All the guys left and I started sobbing. I curled up on the grass. Please, let me die. I just want to die. I must have been curled up on the grass for an hour, but unfortunately, I didn’t die. God was being cruel. Finally I got up and limped home. When I walked into my house my dad was on the couch drinking probably his 8th beer of the day.

“Kellin? Is that you?” he mumbled.

I sighed. “Yes dad, it’s me.”

“Finally! Get me another beer!” he practically yelled as he squished the empty can he was holding and threw it onto the floor. I walked to the fridge. There was only one beer left. Dammit he’s not going to be happy when he finds out he’s out of beer, but this was not my problem right now. I walked over and handed him his beer. “What the fuck happened to you?” he slurred. I decided to tell him the truth. It’s not like he could get even more disappointed in me.

“I uh… got beat up,” I mumbled.

My father gawked. “Maybe if you weren’t such a faggot you wouldn’t get what you deserve,” and with that he fell back onto the couch. What a dick. I wasn’t about to argue though. I wiped off my tears and headed to the bathroom to clean myself up. Looking into the mirror I saw that I had multiple ugly purple bruises on my face, arms, and legs. I knew I had bruises on my chest too but I didn’t want to take my shirt off. I had a black eye on my right eye and my nose was bleeding. My lip was a nice shade of purple but it wasn’t bleeding, at least not anymore. I felt like my ribs were broken, and maybe they were, but I wasn’t about to go to a hospital. My head also hurt. I guess I deserve this like my father had said. If I had just kept my mouth shut I probably wouldn’t be in this situation. I washed myself off. My breathing started to hitch and I was getting that familiar itch. I looked down at the watch which held my hidden razors. Still intact, thank god. My whole body ached but I was still craving the feeling of a fresh cut. I looked at my cut up wrist. In my opinion my wrist looked better with cuts and scratches than it did clean.

“KELLIN! WHERE IS ALL THE GODDAMN BEER?” I heard my dad scream. Shit. I grabbed my razors and climbed out the window, headed for the little dock by the lake. I knew that no one else would be there, plus I could pay my respects to Vic since that’s where he drowned.