Guardian

chapter four

I dropped my razors into the lake. This really scared me not only because I had only made three cuts, but something wasn’t right. It felt like…someone had knocked the blades out of my hands. That’s impossible though. I was completely alone.

When I calmed myself down enough to get up I decided to go to the liquor store to buy my dad some beer. I figure he can’t get too mad at me for stepping out if I was getting him more beer. I can’t exactly remember the last time he was sober. My mom left him for another guy when I was 5. I guess she left me too. But it doesn’t bother me because I can’t remember her. I do remember my dad being sad though, for almost a whole year all he did was stay in bed. I remember I kept thinking maybe if I got an A on this test dad won’t be sad anymore, maybe if I made the school soccer team dad won’t be sad anymore, maybe if I kept my room clean dad won’t be sad anymore. Nothing ever worked though. Then he started drinking, which I guess is better than laying in bed all day.

When I finally got to the liquor store I picked up the first case of beer I saw and took it to the check out. The guy there was a senior who looked very old and very tired. He didn’t notice that I didn’t look 21, or maybe he just didn’t care.

After, I made my way to the bathroom at the back. I grabbed the handle and turned, only to be greeted by a loud thud. I took a deep sigh as I waited for the room to become unoccupied. I heard several loud noises from the room before a large boy with tattoos came out

“You look like you’re in worse shape than me,” the boy said as he took in my bruises. He wore a short sleeved and red plaid shirt that revealed tons of tattoos. His arms were huge and he was definitely over 6 feet tall with short black hair. He looked very strong and intimidating but his eyes looked sad and hurt. He reminded me of a big emotional teddy bear. I recognized him from school. I wasn’t sure but I thought his name was Austin. A senior, but he has been a senior for 3 years. This guy is definitely someone one I would want to avoid. He’s older, about 10 times stronger than me and to top it off he has anger issues.

“What happened to you?” Austin asked. I stared into his big, kind brown eyes and I found myself unable to lie to him.

“Ah, just some kids at school, it’s no big deal,” I said sheepishly. I shuffled my feet uncomfortably as I told the embarrassing truth.

Austin hesitated before asking: “What school?”

“… Mission Bay,” I mumbled. I wasn’t surprised he hadn’t recognized me. No one ever would.

“You don’t say! I go there too!” he almost sounded proud.

“Y-Yeah I’ve seen you around. I-I’m Kellin.” And just like that Austin had a smile on his face.

There was a long silence before Austin finally said: “Anyways, you probably want to clean yourself up a bit,” he said motioning to my cuts and bruises. “See you around Kellin.”

I nodded awkwardly and managed to spit out: “Yeah, you too.” Damn my social awkwardness. Once I was in the bathroom I splashed cold water on my face and cleaned the cuts that started to bleed again to the best of my ability. Looking at myself in the mirror I was suddenly embarrassed at how Austin had seen me. I hoped with all my might that he wouldn’t try to talk to me at school. I didn’t need him telling his friends about how much of a loser I was.

I walked home as fast as I could, not wanting to get any more attention for how beaten up I looked. When I finally got home I saw my dad passed out on the couch with a different can of beer in his hand. He probably paid one of his girlfriends that he paid for to get some more beer for him. I decided to take a couple of beers to my room before tossing the rest in the fridge. The rest of the night was a bit of a blur.

The next day I went to school a a had a head ache. I don’t know how my father does this all the time. It’s fucking brutal. Then again I guess you can’t really have a hangover if you’re always drunk. All morning I kept my hoodie up and my head down. Nobody noticed me. Like I said- I’m pretty much just invisible.

It was lunch time when I decided to go to the bathroom to splash water on my face. I opened the door and I heard someone sobbing. I probably should have left, but I was compelled to enter. My hood feel off my head right as I saw Austin bawling his eyes out. I was about to lock myself in one of the stalls when he looked up and saw me.

“Hey Kellin,” he chocked out between his tears.

“Uh, hey…” I replied. “You okay?”

Austin tried wiping the tears off his eye with his sleeve. “Heartbroken, but I’ll be fine. Alan just broke up with me,” he said bringing on a fresh wave of tears. I had seen the tall ginger kid named Alan around before. Honestly, he looked even more intimidating than Austin did. Austin was big and scary, but he had a sort of gentle look in his eyes that made me think he couldn’t even hurt a fly.

“Oh, um, I’m so sorry,” I said, unsure of how to be reassuring.

I was about to leave but when I saw the look in is eyes, I sat down next to him. Austin just grabbed me in a bear hug and sobbed on my shoulder. It took about 10 minutes for his sobs to turn into hiccups. I patted his back while saying: “Shh, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” When he looked up again his eyes were red and his face was stained with tears.

“He was the only one who cared about me. He listened to my stupid problems and didn’t care if I cried my eyes out around him. He was the reason I didn’t kill myself and he helped me stop cutting. Things will never be okay without him, and it’s all my fault. I just thought he was smoking too much. I was worried…I shouldn’t have said anything to him at all,” he told me in a brutally honest tone of voice. I was shocked at how much of his life he had just shared with me, a complete stranger.

“Well, uh, I’ll listen to your problems,” I told him as we both stood up. I don’t know why I said it, but it felt good to be helping someone. It was like I was actually making a difference. “You’re gonna find someone who will care about you more than Alan did.” Austin stared at me with what almost looked like hope in his eyes. After a long pause he grabbed my face and locked his lips to mine.