Panic Attack (Jc Caylen)

10. I Can't Stay

 EMILY'S P.O.V.

"I take it that it didn't go so well." Ashley said in her position across the room laying on her unmade bed.

"I did the opposite of what I should have." I groaned into my own pillow.

"I knew I think everyone in the neighbourhood knows about this now."

"I just want to go back to life before everything blew up around me." Ashley stayed silent, not knowing what to say.

I just want to go to sleep. Maybe I can wake up tomorrow and find out this is all a dream, or should I say nightmare. Somehow I knew this was all real. If it was a dream I would be living happily ever after like in all those cliché movies and stories. Instead I am sitting here thinking about the terrible mistakes I have made. Each one of those mistakes brought me back to Jc. The thought of him only made my heart ache worse. I didn't even have to give him my heart to shatter. I did it all on my own, something I never thought I could ever do to myself.  I guess it is Karma, getting back at me for everything I have ever done wrong. I have a feeling this is going to be a sleepless night and I could only imagine the pain I have brought upon Jc.

The lights flickered in my room before the bulb went out. I was all alone like I wanted to be. Now I can sit alone in the dark and think about how I can fix this mess. There is only one problem. I can't.

JC'S P.O.V.

Why did she have to do this to me? I had been dreaming of that moment since the day I met her, but I just didn't picture it that she would say no. I always had this image in my head of us together, but I guess I was wrong. I don't know if I should even try to prove myself. She made it clear she doesn't want anything to do with me. She just means so much to me. I can tell Ashley and Connor are really hitting it off. Much better then Emily and I. Hell, the favour I have to pay back to Connor is to find shit out about whether or not Ashley likes which is an obvious yes. He is just too blind to see it. I couldn't help but notice Emily wouldn't look at me when she rejected me. Like there was something on her mind, that she is hiding something, and I am determined to know the haunting truth behind her eyes that lost their sparkle years ago. I was brought out of my misery for a mere second when I heard a knock at my door. Part of me lite up with hope, thinking it might be Emily, but the other half of me knew it wouldn't be her. She doesn't want to be near me. She doesn't want me to be in her life. I should just move home. This stress and drama is draining the life from me. The air is always thick and tense now. I need to escape and catch my breath, but most importantly. Give Emily all it is she wants.

It's settled. I am making the call tomorrow morning and I will be on a flight and out of Emily's hair for good. All I want to do is make her happy even if it means I am left broken and hopefully one day I will find someone who will compare half as much to Emily. Sure I will miss her but this needs to be done, it's all for the best. I just hope for her sake I am doing the right thing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Last night I got no sleep. All that was on my mind was a mental debate of whether or not I am making the right decision. I have a sliver of hope that someone will stop me if I tell them, but I truly believe this is the right thing to do. If I leave Emily never has to see me again. She never has to face the thick air between us or the awkward glances and acknowledgements of each other. She can live stress free and I can be the one hurting. Enough shit has gone down in her life, some I have yet to ever learn. She deserves a break. She needs space.

I dialled my mom's number hoping she would answer. Within 3 rings I heard my mother's soft, comforting voice.

"Hello?"