Panic Attack (Jc Caylen)

13. Never Going To Let You Go

 "A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous"

~Ingrid Bergman

EMILY'S P.O.V

I went to him expecting for him to just let me fall nto  his arms, instead he pushed me away. I realize how naïve I was to think he would want me after that. I had a spark of hope that maybe, just maybe I could get a second chance. He gave never gave me that chance but nor did I when he asked. Now our worlds have come crumbling down around us and we have no one to hold on two, to for help. We are alone, and always will be. We think we are right by torturing ourselves because we are too hesitant to let the ones we love suffer. With this one flaw we are lost in a world of love and desire. We try to change ourselves for the better, but inside we stay the same, we are who we are. We can't become something new for a person, if they don't love you for you they aren't worth it.

Our mind plays games with us. They give us the illusion everything is fine, but in reality nothing is just fine. We use this word to cover up the unwanted emotions to hide in the dark and depth of our thoughts. This darkness allows new undesired emotions to grow stronger to take revenge over us sooner or later. It's only a matter of time before we are all consumed whole by these dreaded demons.

My mind has been hiding my denied love. Love is like a devil and an angel. It tears us down piece by piece causing us to do the most unruly things. Love is a monster lurking in the shadows.

It gives us strength to power on giving us joy and happiness. It makes us smile, laugh and enjoy the moments and bonds shared between two people. It's a gift of an angel at work, our saviour from the danger, but opens to a whole new nightmare.

Love doesn't always finds it's way. I have learned not to rely on such a foolish emotion. We aren't all given a chance at this happiness, but we have to be happy for those who do. I am not one of those people either. They give up their dream of love for the sake of other's. My problem is I am too selfish and want it myself. I don't believe in love but it doesn't mean I don't want it.

Every little girl dreams of finding love, getting married, all of this over rated stuff, and sadly I am a victim of it too. We grow up surrounded by love radiating off our families and grow used to it, but we all have to grow up eventually. We all are alone at one moment in time. Those who choose to admit it to themselves find the light faster.

I remember what it felt like to have my family. The warm smiles and laughter echoing through the hallways. The smell of a home cooked meal and the warmth of surrounding the fire place on a cold winter night. It's never the same alone, it only feels empty. It's the little things I miss about having a home, people I can come home to.

I have found new people, but I don't feel like family with all of them. I feel unwanted at moments that are too much for me. They all say it's okay but I know when they are lying. All except Jc.

Every thought I have brings my mind back to him and his rich brown  eyes that stare back into mine. His contagious smile and the side smirk he doesn't know he does. His smoulder in the serious moments that he does by habit. All these things add up to the person I know I am in love with.

A knock at my door sounded, signally I had an unwanted visitor.

JC'S P.O.V.

What the hell is wrong with me. I literally just rejected the girl I love out of revenge and hunger for her to feel the way I felt. I have serious issues to resolve. The only one that seems to matter is Emily. I can trail off thinking of ceiling I am staring up at and have it some how remind me of her.