How can you escape all the pain within your heart and move on from the past... knowing it hurt the one person you truly loved. What happens when you learn that what you've been running from all these years, was all wrong? How can you mend what has...
Christmas has come and gone... pero yung pain from Christmas day was still fresh.... sa isip at sa puso ko. Malapit na ang bagong taon, siguro panahon na para kalimutan ko na ang lahat at panahon na rin siguro na pagbigyan ko ang sarili kong sumaya. Kahit hindi ko na ma aayos ang nakaraan namin ni Mau... ok na rin. Pati yong pagkakaibigan namin ay kailangan ko na rin kalimutan at wag na akung umasa na maguusap pa rin kami. "Wala na talaga" bulong ko sa sarili ko. Eto na nga siguro ang faith namin dalawa. It just wan't meant to last. *sigh*
Ever since that day na nag ayaw kami ni Mau, na wala na naman ako nang pag asa. I kept my distance sa mga kaibigan ko. Alam ko naman na wala silang kasalanan, pero sa ngayon kailangan ko lang nang konteng panahon bago ko sila kausapin at sabihin lahat sa kanila. Kahit sa ka nila na lang ako mag papaliwanag, kung bakit kinailangan kung lumayo... siguro sapat na rin yon, bago ako umalis. At dahil kasi nangako rin ako sakanila... kaya kailangan ko rin tuparin yung pangako ko. I've already lost him, hindi naman pwede pati silang lahat.
"This is for the best" I told myself. Tatapusin ko lang ang bakasyon ko dito, tapos pwede na akung mag move on para makalimut. Noon siguro kaya hindi ako makalimot, kasi naisip ko kailangan ko pa syang makausap at magpaliwanag man lang. Ngayon wala nang silbi ang gusto ko sanang mangyari, kailangan ko na lang tangapin. "At lease I tried" sabi ko, still trying to convince myself.
New Years Eve na..... as always, marami na naman handaan at marami rin mga paputok. Most of the same relatives that came for Christmas, joined us for the new year as well. "Para sa Bagong Taon at a new chapter sa buhay ko..... eto na ang resolution ko sa bagong taon.... move on and stay strong! " I whispered.
I continued to help with last minute preparations. Mom was busy with her sisters in the dining room. I looked around and asked "Ma, sila Russ at Papa?" She pointed towards the front entrance. "Thank you" as I walked to the front. Pag labas ko, nakita ko sila Russel at mga pinsan namin nag aayos nang mga paputok. "Russ, ingat kayo ah" pointing at the firecrackers "Yes... Ate" he answered and gave me a thumbs up. "Si Papa?" I asked loudly. "Kasama si Tito Tim sa likod" he replied and pointed to the walkway leading to the garden in the back.
It was almost time. Everyone gathered outside at the front of the house. Little kids were running around with sparkles in their hands. At kahit maingay, masaya parin. We had chairs also setup outside so our relatives could watch and enjoy the fireworks.
5... 4... 3.... 2..... 1...... "Happy New Year" Everyone one cheered!!
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At that moment, kahit ngayon lang.... I realized how lucky I was to have them and I was glad that I'm able to spend the holiday season with them, especially after so many years of being alone. Just looking at them, reminded me just how important they are to me and I'm glad I came home. *smile*
---------------- AN: Short lang po ang chapter na eto. Excuse any wrong grammar/tagalog. Salamat po for continuing to read and support my story.
