How can you escape all the pain within your heart and move on from the past... knowing it hurt the one person you truly loved. What happens when you learn that what you've been running from all these years, was all wrong? How can you mend what has...
It hasn't even been a week since I landed, and already the past few days were taking it's toll on me. My mind was full of uncertainties and all I could really do was think of him... the way he looked now, the uneasiness of our unfaithful meeting. The way he looked at me when we bumped into each other. Everything just continued to play in my mind, like a broken record. I tried to hide all the hurt I was feeling inside, but even I wasn't convinced it was working. All my failed attempts to get him out of my head, was leading nowhere. "you're completely hopeless" I thought "Ugh... Holly!!" yelling at myself, as I covered my face with the pillow.
*sigh* I know my parents could sense there was something wrong, even when I tried to play it off and pretend that everything was ok, but I know I was only fooling myself. (Pulling the pillow off my face) "2 more days.... Pasko na" telling myself, as sat up on my bed. "Will you please snap out of it, Holly! Kahit ngayon lang." pakiusap ko sa sarili ko. "Pasko na, kailangan masaya ka. Ngayon lang ulit kayo mag kakasama nang pamilya mo, tapos ganyan ka pa! Focus muna please" scolding myself again.
I looked at the clock on the table and saw it was only 3:45 in the morning. I got up and walked to my closet, took out all the items we had purchased a few days ago and placed them on the floor. Before sitting down I also took the scissors, tape, ribbons and the gold gift wrap that I had placed on my desk the night before. I sat on the floor and started to wrap all the presents before heading down stairs to place them underneath the tree. "Home sweet home" I whispered, as I admire our beautiful Christmas tree.
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After placing the gifts under the tree, I went to the kitchen and made a cup of hot chocolate. I went back to the living room and sat on the sofa, just admiring the view. This was really something that I missed. This will be my first Christmas back *smiling* as I thought of my family and for the first time in a very long time I will be spending the holidays with them and not alone, like I have been doing for the past 5 years. "Kailangan masaya ka" I reminded myself. "Don't waste your first Christmas back, because of you own doing" I added. Still looking up at the tree. I was startled when I heard my dad's voice in back of me. "Baby, why are you up so early?" Papa asked (sitting beside me) "Good Morning Pa" I answered and kissed him on the cheek. "I couldn't sleep" I replied, turning my attention back at the tree. "ang ganda talaga..." I whispered Pa: May problema ka ba anak? Ako: (turning to face him again, but I didn't answer) Pa: Si Mau ba? Ako: (Tears started to form, upon hearing that name - Daddy's girl nga eh. I really can't hide anything from him) *I thought to myself* Pa..? Pa: Anak... nandito lang kami kung kailangan mo nang karamay or kausap. Ako: (Placing my head on his shoulder, just like I did when I was a little girl) Alam ko Pa... salamat. Pero, don't worry. Ok lang po talaga ako. Pa: Ako pa ba ang lolokohin mo? Alam ko pag malungkot ka... alam ko rin pag masaya ka... at higit sa lahat..... alam na alam ko kapag nasasaktan ka. Hindi kita pipilitin na sabihin kung ano man ang gumugulo sa isipan mo, pero nandito lang ako pag kailangan mo nang kausap. Ok baby (planting a kiss on my forehead) Ako: Salamat pa. (closing my eyes as my head remained on his shoulder).
