Everything leads back to you (on-hold)

Returning

My alarm clock rang at 4:30am, I turned to my side to hit the snooze button "uughhh" and quickly covered my head with my blanket. At 4:45am the clock rang again. (frowning) I pulled the covers off and sat up on my bed, gazing at the daily planner on my bedside table, just staring at the date circled on the calendar. Dec. 19. "Eto na to Holly" I said, before getting up from my bed. After my normal morning routines, I made my way downstairs to brew some coffee and make sure I had everything for my flight before I left for the airport. (Passport, ID, Plane ticket, Luggage, etc.) Usually with business trips I would drive to the airport myself and just park my car at the long term parking, but since I will be out of the country until the end of Feb. I decided to just call for the airport shuttle service.

It was 7:45am when the shuttle arrived at the front gate. I inserted my iPad in the pocket of my laptop case, picked it up along with my purse and pulled my luggage as I enabled the alarm before walking out the door. Even though my flight wasn't until 11am, I needed to be at the airport 2 hours early before my flight back to the philippines. The ride over there was nice, considering the early traffic commute.  "This is it..." i thought to myself. As I stepped out of the shuttle bus, grabbing my belongings and made my way inside the international terminal.  It was still early, so check-in at the counter wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. After the clerk tagged my luggage and confirmed my flight, she handed me my boarding pass. I walked over to C Gate section and looked for C9 as it was listed on the ticket. Right across was a starbucks, so I made my way over there first to order my favorite frappe before heading to C9. After a few minutes I finally found an empty chair to sit at as I waited for our plane to board.

"Grabe, 10am pa lang" looking around. I opened the side pocket of my laptop case and took my iPad out, before I could turn it on my phone rang. I grabbed my purse and pulled my iPhone out. "Hello" I greeted. "Hi Ma'am Holly, sorry to bother you on your vacation" my secretary said. "Hi Angela, no bother at all" I replied.  "Ma'am I sent you 2 emails that need your approval asap" she said, on the other line. "Okay, thank you. I'm at the airport now and my flight doesn't depart for another 45 minutes. I will look at them and get back to you.  By the way Angela, please remember I turned my international roaming on, so don't hesitate to contact me anytime for emergencies" I kindly reminded her. "Yes, ma'am.  Have a safe trip and don't worry about us here" she said, before ending the call. I put my phone back in my purse and turned the tablet on.  I checked on the 2 project proposals that Angela had called about, along with a few last minute emails needing my attention. After approving them, answering other emails and finally replying back to Angela, I logged out of my account and decided to browse through Face-gram. I clicked on Russel's profile and found that he had posted new pictures of our family. As I looked at the pictures, I couldn't help but reminisce when I last spent time with any of them. It's been years.... 5 long years to be exact, since I've gone home to see my family. I know my leaving was a surprise to all of them, but it was something I needed, correction... something I wanted to do at the moment. I didn't come home because I needed space, also because I wanted to get away and after a year or two, my reasoning changed from getting away to simply running away.

Life abroad has been lonely, hard, hectic and never easy as I've always heard from my relatives when I was growing up. Specially when you have no one to depend on but yourself. I remained strong throughout my ordeals, hardships, sadness and manage to keep focused on my goals, working my way as an intern at an architectural firm to managing my own firm after 3 years. I kept busy to keep myself from running home when I missed my family, but mostly when I missed him. I know I shouldn't feel this way, since the cause of my own heartache was partly my own fault, but I can't help it. I really missed him and I regret leaving without a word or even having the courage to know the truth. I know what I did was wrong, but I too was deeply hurt by the events during that time. Leaving was the only answer or option I thought of back then. Now I'm not so sure if that was the right choice. Don't get me wrong... being where I am now, having my own firm and establishing a name for myself is a dream come true, but I had another dream... a better dream and that was to spend my life with him.... with Mau Benedicto (the love of my life). But unfortunately....  it didn't happen the way I always thought it would or was meant to be. He was my red-string of faith.. and so I thought. *sighing*

Ever since I left, I only kept in touch with my parents and my brother Russel. I chose not to keep in touch with any of my friends no matter how many messages and emails I received from them, including Mau. I was afraid that if I talked to any of them... especially Mau, that I would just breakdown and head on home. I missed my friends, but this was something that I needed to deal with on my own. I also asked my family to keep my whereabouts a secret from everyone else. 

Since then... or whenever I get a chance to talk to my mom, she would request that I come home and visit them, even just for the holidays, but I always had important projects or deadlines that I needed to meet or attend too. I always came up with excuses on why I can't or couldn't. After 5 long years... you could say I finally caved in, or it was probably just the guilt of not seeing or visiting them since I left the Philippines to escape from my pain and pursue my career. Either way... it was just time. Time to face my fears and the past.  To simply put it.... "I just need to stop running" I whispered to myself. I opened my purse and took our picture out of my wallet. "Yes, call me crazy... but I still have our picture". I don't really know what to expect when I get there. Will he remember me? Would he even want to see me after all these years, knowing the hurt I might of caused him. (sadden by the thought) "Holly Anne Alcantara, tama na nga yan kadramahan mo. It only serves you right for leaving him without any explanations" I scolded myself. "Tama na nga yan" as i shook my head, placing the picture back in my wallet. I logged myself out of face-gram and put away my iPad. After a few minutes, Philippine Airline Rep announced the boarding of our flight. After boarding, we listened to the regulations and other announcements before taking off.

As the plane took off, I looked outside my window and sighed. "There's no turning back now".

~*~
AN: Hope you like the story. I'm working on the next few chapters.

Please like or leave a comment. - Salamat po 🙂