Pulchritudinous ➻ Joshler

तेरह

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•{Wonderwall}•
Adjective
1. Someone you find yourself thinking about all the time; a person you're completely infatuated with.

Josh sat on his bed for a little while, spewing the somehow intimidating towering thoughts into files in his mind palace. They were mostly about Tyler and how perfect he was. He had given up the whole act of not liking him. He's not even going to try and denying the fact that there's been some fluctuation in his sexuality. If he tried to deny it, he knew he'd be wrong.

The pitter patter of Ryan and Spencer's tiny paws could be heard filling in the deafening sound of silence. Like they were accompanying him, like they were coming to check on him from time to time.

Josh had come home late due to stopping by the library because it rained and denied an offer for a lift home to wallow in self pity...in more rain. The rain seemed to have washed some sense into the poor guy, slowly sweeping away any unclean thoughts he had forced himself to believe. He had a deep meaningful conversation with himself on his journey home and decided that if he was apologising for his recent behaviour, why was his dad still on his 'to-do' list. He should've been ticked off first. Therefore, upon his arrival he had apologised to his dad, his most loyal friend.

Obviously seeing the deep sorrow and humiliation in his son's eyes, he immediately forgave him and hugged him tightly as he cried into his chest. He could never stay mad at his son.

When Josh cries, he can't help but tell people what's wrong. It was the way he was raised. Therefore, he was rushing to tell him everything in between his ugly cries and unhealthy amount of stuttering, why he was acting this way, or why he thought he was at least. He still didn't understand that majority of it himself. However, despite not understanding himself he still explained the confusing emotions he was being to feel.

He described most of what he understood about his feelings for Tyler; how he felt about causing others misery that he had no initial intention to inflict upon them.

He had somehow managed to liquify his heart and pour it into a beaten-up, old, slightly cracked, transparent glass. Ready for serving to the nearest person who was willing to take a sip. In the end, they'd only pee it out, it would only get cleansed and reused again, ready for the next willing person to take a sip. However, Tyler didn't only take a sip, he drank the whole glass he'd seen what was in it, but still drank it. But somehow, at the same time, it felt as if it had been thrown back in Josh's face.

Josh thought that his dad deserved to know everything that was going on in his life. Apart from, well, his deepest darkest desire...you get my point.

He was brought up being taught that it was perfectly okay to talk to his dad about anything, he could never hate Josh, even if he killed someone. If that happened, he is the type of willing father that would help him destroy all the evidence and hide the body. If it even came down to it, take the blame.

Josh was so grateful to have such a kind influence, so when Josh had practically told his dad he liked a boy he was beyond supportive seeing that his dad was demisexual himself. Josh hadn't really seen him with many people though, sometime he might bring home a guy, sometimes a girl, one time he had a date with someone gender fluid. He always supported his dad especially when he knows that he scored on the first date. Yes, they had that kind of friendship. To some people that might sound like cringe but, they were totally fine with it. They were more like best friends anyway.

His dad, obviously being extremely close with his son, had to tell him everything, but he hadn't. Little did Josh know that his idol had been lying to him about his past.

His mother was a kind, gorgeous, young lady when his father first fell star stuck.

They had met when an over obsessive guy tried to sexually harass him. Josh's mother, who happened to be walk by that particular ally way at that particular moment and somehow stopped the silly man before anything else could happen and called the police. He was so thankful. If she had walked by just a few seconds later, or ignored them completely, he had no idea what would've happened. Obviously he did, but, well, he doesn't like to think about that. He had offered her a Starbucks in return for what she'd done, which she shyly but happily accepted. He explained to the pretty young lady that he'd recently broken up with the man who'd been trying to harass him because he couldn't help but feel like he didn't feel like he understood the concept of consent and he felt that he was distant, ignoring him, forcing all his tasks onto him, clearly turning out to be true. He was distraught, he had adopted his little baby Josh with this disgraceful man because he was so blindly in love with him. Obviously, having the best advice and the question of a second coffee being asked, he eventually fell for her.

He had taken her home to meet Josh. Being one at the time couldn't possibly remember any of this, so he still has no idea about his other dad and was raised thinking that this stunning sunset was his mother.

Years later, Josh had met Tyler by this point, his mother was diagnosed with fatal familial insomnia.

Fatal Familial Insomnia is a rare inherited prion disease that mainly affects the thalamus. I know what you're thinking right now. Oh no, there's too many big words, I'll simplify it for you. The thalamus is the part of your brain that controls the sleep-wake cycle, but is also known as the 'relay centre' of the brain because it helps different parts of the brain communicate with one another. FFI is a progressive neurodegenerative disease which means over time there are fewer neurons (nerve cells). The first symptoms of FFI usually begin in mid-life (obviously Josh's mother in this situation having it earlier on) and may include progressive insomnia, weight loss, lack of appetite, too high or too low body temperature, and rapidly progressive dementia. Almost all cases of FFI are caused by certain changes (mutations) in the PRNP gene and are inherited in an autosomal dominant manner. There are a very small number of reported sporadic cases of FFI. There is currently no effective treatment for FFI, although research for a treatment and cure are ongoing. Death usually occurs within 12-18 months of the first symptoms.

When they first heard the news they couldn't function. He didn't want to her to leave, and she didn't want to leave either.

So, they tried to fight it. For as long as they could.

However, when she started to experience the uncoordinated movements, the hallucinations, the severe confusion, the muscle twitches and some other symptoms. She knew there was no point in fighting it, there was no point in looking for a cure because there was no cure, so there was no point in fighting.

Eventually, she lost the ability to walk.

Then, she lost the ability to talk.

Then, she lost the ability to sleep.

Then eventually, she passed away.

Josh, to this day was still completely clueless about his other father who was caught up still in prison. He had total faith in his dad, so what he said happened, happened. He didn't even know he was adopted.

His dad thought it was way too painful to tell him. So, the topic was never brought up. And he was okay with that.

Josh couldn't remember much of his mother, his dad had told him that she'd left them for someone else, when in reality, she'd left them for the angels.

Currently Josh was trying to sleep, but his mind was racing with images and little soft spoken words from his favourite little snowflake, Tyler. He then thought, he couldn't say that. His. Tyler was not his. And he never would be. He kept telling himself these phrase as he slowly began to cry himself to sleep. He told himself that if Tyler's happy he's happy too.

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Words: 1521.
Edited. Ish.
Okay, so, i'm aware it's been like two weeks and i'm so so very sorry. I've had a lot on recently, hospital, homework, hospital, anime and ice cream. That's  literally become my life recently. Anyhoo.
9 DAYS TILL RUDOLF SNIFFS YOUR CARROT.
And you might've noticed i removed the mood boards, i tried really hard on them but i just feel like i'm wasting my time so,
Lemmie know if there's any mistakes, oh, what was that? the only mistake here was me being born, ah, your too kind, ty. x