Gravity

Chapter One

Chapter One

Nang makauwi mula sa interview ay dumiretso ako sa sariling kwarto. Humiga ako sa kama at ipinikit ang mga mata.

Everything I tried to forget came back, surging before my very eyes.

The night I cried for failing a midterm exam, how dad summoned me into coming for a dinner outside, meeting him, hearing his voice. Finally looking into those deep brown eyes.

It still hurt. Going back to this reality didn't make me feel any better. I only felt worse.

All I could think of was the truth that Arkin was meant to spend the rest of his life with another woman.

I filled my lungs with air as the pain coursed through my whole body.

I didn't understand how the universe worked for me. I did everything to make him realize that I was the one he'd been looking for. Ako yung hindi nang-iwan sa kanya. Ako yung laging nandyan, parang aso na naghihintay sa pagbalik ng kanyang amo. Wasn't all I had done enough?

"Why does it still hurt?" I asked myself.

Maybe it still hurt because I tried everything I possibly could. Maybe it still hurt because I lost everything all at once. Perhaps, it hurt because I found no justice for myself.

Naramdaman ko ang biglang paghapdi ng aking mga mata. Ito na naman.

I wished I just didn't agree on being a part of that dinner, the ten-year-old me blamed dad for insisting that night. I shouldn't have met him. I shouldn't have loved him. I shouldn't have been experiencing this grief.

Life would have been so much easier.

"Olivia?" Nagulat ako sa boses na narinig. My forehead creased in confusion.

"Duff?" Banggit ko. Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakahiga at lumabas ng kwarto. I saw my sister sitting on the carpet.

"I thought you're asleep." Salita niya. Napansin ko ang malaking paper bag na nakapatong sa aking coffee table.

"Why are you here?" Tanong kong nagtataka. Bihira siyang mapunta sa unit ko, at kung pupunta man siya dito, iyon ay dahil utos ni daddy.

"I decided to spend a night here. Baka kasi mahirapan kang mag-adjust." Duff said. Kinuha niya ang nakapatong sa aking lamesa at isa-isang tinanggal ang laman noon.

"Nagpadeliver ako ng Italian food. Baka hindi ka na naman kumain sa sobrang busy mo." She chuckled. Naupo ako sa kanyang tabi.

Naglabas siya ng ilang home made food. Galing pa yata ang mga ito sa bahay namin sa Manila.

"Bakit di ka pa nagpapalit ng damit?" Makaraan ang ilang minuto ay puna niya.

"Just tired from today's sched." Isinandal ko ang aking ulo sa kanyang balikat. I suddenly felt at peace.

I just realized how I centered my life at Arkin. Sa kanya umikot ang buong mundo ko noon. Every waking and sleeping time, I would think of him. Every breath I take depended on him.

I forgot that I still had my family, the people who loved me for who I was. I took them for granted, just like my mother. Imbes na ilaan ko ang oras para sa kanya ay mas inuna ko ang nararamdaman ko para sa isang lalaki. Family should come first. Kaya naman wasak na wasak ako nang bigla kaming iniwan ni mommy.

I should have known better.

Kinabukasan ay nagising ako sa tunog ng alarm clock. I turned it off at bumangon ako.

I did my usual morning rituals at nagbihis ng isang navy blue na dress. I would attend a meeting today. At ngayon ko nalang ulit makikita si Mr. Villafuerte pagtapos ng ilang buwan. I heard he went to Japan for some business matters.