Apologies (A Phanfiction )

Chapter 33

I can't believe I forgot to brush my teeth. I'm such a fucking tool. I metaphorically crossed my fingers behind my back, "Pj took me out for drinks. I only had one, I promise." Phil looked at me like he didn't believe it, "Alright then." A headache roared behind my forehead in a sudden rush, but I brushed it off and took Phil's bags into the bedroom. He fell back on the bed and smiled, "It's so nice to be home." I sat down on the edge of the bed. I waited for something bad to happen, as something always does. "We should film a new Gamingmas video!" Phil shouted and sat up quickly. "Yeah, but we've already got two week's worth ready," I protested. Phil yawned. "How about we get some rest," I suggested. "It's only seven," he sat up and looked at me, "How bout we have a glass and watch a movie?" "Phil I don't think it's a good idea for me to be around alcohol right now," I rubbed my neck. "One drink wouldn't hurt. You can water it down," Phil pleaded. I shrugged and watched him happily jog into the kitchen. A bottle rolled out from under the bed so I quietly kicked it back under.

I met Phil in the kitchen. "I can't find any wine," he frowned at me. "Oh I guess we must've gotten rid of all of it," I said, my eyes darting off everywhere, but on Phil. "You're doing that thing again," he narrowed his eyes at me. "What thing?" I rubbed my neck again. "You're twitchy eye thing. You drank it all didn't you?" Phil crossed his arms. "Not doing this," I held my arms up and turned around, heading for the door. Phil yanked me back, "No. You're doing this right now." He brushed past me and headed for the room, peaking in the closet and under the bed. I hid in the doorway and watched. He pulled out the bottles, "Dan! What the hell!" I slouched. "I cannot believe you! I know whatever's going on in your head must be a blizzard, but talk to me! I can't believe you're that stupid." I looked him right in the eyes, "You left me here! You just got up and left and it fucked me up!" "I just went to see my parents Dan," Phil rolled his eyes. "You didn't give me a warning. You barely even said goodbye," I shouted. "I'm sorry I left you. I just needed to see them," his voice spoke softly. It comforted me, but in a way, it made me angry. I felt my blood boil as I clenched my fists. "That's bullshit, Phil. You're my boyfriend. You should be there for me when I need you." He looked at the floor, "I'm sorry." "You bloody should be," I turned on my heels and headed for the living room.

Phil grabbed my arm, "Dan I'm apologizing to you okay? Listen to me." I yanked my arm back, accidentally slapping Phil across the face in the process. My eyes widen and so did Phil's. He held his cheek and stared at me. "Fuck. Phil I-" "No. I get it," his eyes started to water. "Phil please," I stepped towards him. "No Dan. I get it. Just... I'm just going to stay in the guest room tonight," he headed for the room, slamming the door behind him. "Dammit!" I shouted and slammed the side of my fist against the wall. It hurt like hell. I took a deep breath and shook my hand to try and get rid of the pain somehow. I went to get myself ice from the kitchen. I decided I would get some for Phil as well. I held one bag of ice between my chest and the side of my hand that hurt and the other hanging from my free hand. I walked over to the guest room and lightly knocked on the door, "I brought you some ice Phil." "Go away," his voice came out harsh. I tried the knob on the door. Locked. "Phil come on. Let me explain," I begged. "I can hear you perfectly from out there," he huffed.

"I drank because my mind kept telling me you were gone for good. You just left so abruptly and I didn't know what to think of it. I'll go back to my therapist tomorrow and get the medicine okay?" I tried explaining, "Just let me in. Please." I heard the door click and watched as it slowly opened. Phil was standing in front of me, eyes red and cheeks wet. He snatched the bag of ice from me and held it to his cheek, "My mum is sick, Daniel." My face sank, "Oh." "She has breast cancer," Phil looked down. I dropped my bag of ice and pulled him into a hug. He was reluctant at first, but hugged back. I could feel his body shake and I knew he was crying. He dropped his ice bag as well and pulled me close. "I am so sorry, Phil. If I would've known... That's terrible," I rubbed his back. "At least she's not dead. The doctors said she was close to beating it," Phil pulled away from me and rubbed his nose. I looked down at the hint to my mother being dead. "I'm sorry," I breathed out. Phil nodded, "Everyone is."