Miscellaneous

Even Chapters

December 19, 2016

So I noticed I ended this book at Chapter 69. Unintentionally, of course. I didn't mean the sexual innuendo. Unless you didn't think of it like that, then I'm sorry I'm a horrible person that had a gay best friend that influenced my sense of humor.

Anyways, I decided to write another chapter to this book I ended about a year ago, just to make the number of chapters even out. I'm an odd kid, I guess you can say. I also wanted to mention that I unpublished this book for a long while, because I thought it wasn't good enough. It was 1. poorly written 2. typed up on my old Posh phone 3. written on impulse 4. had no direction, and lastly, 5. made me sound like a "love-sick crack head", but emphasis on the "crack head". But, now that I look at it, I see a 14/15-year-old kid, infatuated, in love, spontaneous, raving, fueled by spunk and angst and all unladylike things. That was me. And as I am writing this, at 16, this is also me. I'm not longer ashamed at how horrible I may have sounded through the chapters of this book, because I was exercising my freedom of speech, flexing my vocabulary, practicing my literacy etc. I was also expressing myself in the most honest way I can think of: published anonymously online.

This is something I get to say, because I live in my generation. And I'm sure as hell glad I wasn't alive back in Emily Dickenson's days, because I have a strong feeling I would have be a social hermit like her, spitting all my thoughts on paper, and then dying in obscurity. Yeah... NO. I'm glad I have this medium where I can publish my thoughts, and whether or not they get read, they are out there. Out in the open cyber world, and not pent up inside me.

I had stopped writing for a long while due to my insecurities about my writing, but now that I republished this book, I'm learning. I thought I forgot who the kid that wanted to be a writer was. I thought I forgot how to write, and became crappier. A few chapters in this made me proud of myself, by how far I've gotten as a kid and a writer. While the rest of this book is awfully cringe-worthy. But this was my start (actually my second book, but my first non-novel-y attempt at writing). And I'm happy I didn't delete this like I said I would, because it's serving as a reminder that "I can only get better" (-Timothy Green). And I'm glad I went through this phase as a writer and kid.

Additional note on the boys I've written about: I am pleased to report that I am no longer dizzyingly obsessed with these boy. They scarcely cross my mind, and no longer have the same impact on my "feels" as they did. I still love the idea of each of them because I gave them that power through this book; and I somewhat love them as individuals in real life, just not in the same way as I thought I did.

I'll leave you with a quote now, because I suck as concluding statements and ending things: "Once you've met someone, you never really forget them. It just takes a while for your memories to return." - Zeniba (Spirited Away)