Blue Moon (Phil Lester x Reader)

7. He's lying

There you were, in his arms. And you'd regret it.

The following three days you didn't do anything. Or, to put it better, you didn't do anything that was of any use. You slept a lot, watched movies, listened to music, and didn't go to work on Monday. You told Jason you were sick, but that wasn't the exact truth. You weren't feeling sick, you were just tired and couldn't find the strength to do anything that required more than five steps walking.

One of those things was eating. You lived on two bowls of cereal per day, and that made you even less energetic. But you weren't hungry. You didn't know what was wrong, but it wasn't fun.

In between watching movies and catching up on TV-shows, you scrolled through Tumblr a lot. You can scroll through Tumblr for hours without getting bored, somehow.
But it wasn't as fun and relaxing as it usually was.
Every once in a while a photo or GIF of Phil would appear on your screen, and even though you quickly scrolled further down and tried to ignore it, it hurt to see him.
His black fringe, his beautiful blue eyes, his cute little smile, everything about him made you want to call him and explain how you felt. But you knew that you couldn't tell him how you felt, even if you wanted to, because you didn't even know what you were feeling. So you told yourself to ignore it.
And every time you scrolled past a photo of him, your heart ached a little more.

~ Monday afternoon ~

There were knocks on your door. You paused the episode of (pick a TV-show you like ^-^) and listened to the unfamiliar sound for a moment, but then realised you should probably go and see who it was.
You never got any visitors, so it was a little odd. The thought that it maybe was Jason who came checking on you shot through your head, but you knew he would never do that. Jason couldn't care less.

You made your way to the door, anxious about having to talk to someone. You were wearing pyjamas and wrapped in a blanket, no make-up, messy hair. You didn't want to interact with another human being, but you made yourself do it anyways.

Now that you think about it, you already knew, somewhere in the back of your head,  who was on the other side of the door. But you pushed it away, not wanting to know.

You took a few deep breaths before opening the door, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself as if it was some kind of protection.
You had to look up to see who it was, as the person was taller than you.

Your eyes met his bright blue ones.

What the hell is he doing here? How did he get here? What is happening?

Before you could react Phil had stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you. He didn't say anything, and neither did you.
There you were, in his arms. You didn't know how or why, but you let it happen.

A few moments later Phil took a step back, letting go of you. You still weren't able to do or say anything, too shocked by what had just happened.
'I'm s-sorry..I shouldn't-'
'What are you doing here?' As soon as he started talking you had found your voice again. You looked him straight in the eyes, wanting answers.
'I didn't hear from you after Friday night and I went to the bookstore to see if you were there and your boss told me you were sick at home so I came here to check on you - I still remembered your adress from thst night I walked you home - and when I saw you I couldn't help but give you a hug. I shouldn't do that, I know we don't know eachother very well and I know-' He paused to take a deep breath. He was rambling, showing he was nervous just like you. It gave you a bit more confidence.
'Why would you want to see me?' you asked before he could go on. Your voice was a bit softer this time.

He looked surprised, hurt almost. He took a step closer to you, then closed the door behind him. It scared you. You needed your personal space, and stepped away from him.

'(Y/N) why do you do that?' He sounded hurt too.
'Why do I do what?'
'Step back. You don't let anyone come close, do you?'
'Why should I? I don't know you well. And answer my question first.'
It was quiet for a moment. Phil looked like he was thinking of what to say, very carefully.

'I care about you, (Y/N).'

No he doesn't.  He's lying. He's lying he's lying he's lying he's lying.

'I really do' he continued, almost like he could read your mind. ' And I don't know you well either, but I want to get to know you.'

You felt tears welling up in your eyes.

He's lying he's lying he's lying.

'Really?'
Your voice was tiny and weak and shaking, the exact opposite of how you wanted to sound.
'Really.'
His voice was warm and comforting and sweet and sounded like home.
Home.
You were reminded of your family, again. 
Suddenly you felt tears rolling down your cheeks, and you couldn't stop it.

You closed your eyes, tried to calm down, tried to stop the flow of tears, but it didn't work.
'(Y/N), it's okay, calm down.'  You felt his arms wrap around you once again. And his time you hugged back, burying your face in his shirt.

It's okay.

He meant it.

You had no idea how that hug lasted, but you didn't care. It felt good.
It felt right.

And for the first time in years you felt at home again.
His arms felt like home.

One and a half week after meeting him, he'd managed to break down the first part of the wall.

And you wish he had stopped there.