Blue Moon (Phil Lester x Reader)

3. Mixed feelings

Something about him made you go back the next day. Maybe it was because he was the only person in the world that wanted to talk to you in a normal, friendly way. You thought it would be nice to just have a little chat with him. It couldn't do any harm, could it?

Turns out, looking at it from where you are now, it could.

You went back to the coffeeshop, and weren't surprised to find him already sitting in the same booth you'd been sitting in the day before. He hadn't noticed you yet, and you stopped for a moment, reconsidering your choices.

If you hadn't gone up to him, if you had just stopped yourself and left at that moment, you wouldn't be here right now.
Or, well, you probably would, but without so many regrets and so much pain.

But you didn't leave. You didn't go home and forget about him and carry on with your life.
No, you walked up to him, just as he'd done the day before.
He looked up from his phone, and a big smile appeared on his face when he saw it was you. Again, you thought he looked cute.
You searched his expression for the slightest hint of regret, a sign that he didn't want to be there, but found nothing. It surprised you. You had to get used to this person that apparently wanted to be around you, unlike everyone else.

Not much later you both had a drink again. This time you had paid for your own drink, because letting him pay for it two times in a row just didn't feel right.
Watching him taking a sip of his coffee, careful not to burn his tongue, you realised you didn't even knew why you were there. Why did he want to see you again? He'd already gotten you a drink the day before, as he had insisted on the night he had walked you home through the pouring rain, when you'd just said yes so you could go inside and get painkillers for your headache. He'd already gotten what he wanted, even though it might had turned out a bit weird. Yet here you were again. Same time, same place.

'So' Phil said, looking at you over his coffee, 'I hope you won't have to leave so quickly again.'
'Why?' you asked. People usually didn't want to be around you, you had learned that by then. Why did he?
'I just want to have a nice little chat with you, while drinking coffee' he dryly stated,  as if he wouldn't take no for an answer. ' And you seem like a nice person' he added, giving you a little smile.
You stared at him with what must've been a shocked expression on your face. He shouldn't have said that. You didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve people like him, who thought you were nice. You weren't nice. The world wasn't nice to you, so you weren't nice to the world. That was logic. He ruined it.
' Did I say something wrong?' he asked in a surprised tone.
Yes. Yes he did. He said something wrong the very first night you met him. Saying he was sorry and asking how you were, instead of giving you an angry look and walking away. Him walking away would've been so mucg easier to deal with. And after that he had only said wrong things. Maybe that was the way nice people communicated, but that wasn't the way the world worked. That wasn't the way your life worked. You had accepted that in your life, no one was going to be nice to you and everyone would abandon you and you would be left to fight alone. Now this man had come crashing into your life through a window, and everything was messed up. But you couldn't blame him for being so naive to be nice to you. You just had to show him that that wasn't the way it worked.
This all went through your head, but at the same time you shook your head. ' No... No. You seem like a nice person too.'

Really? You were saying that? It was true though, he really was a nice person. But you weren't.
You took a sip of your coffee, thinking about how you were going to convince him that you weren't worth talking to, so you could just carry on with your life. You ignored the small voice in the back of your head that was telling you that you should give him a chance, that you maybe could become friends with him.
You didn't have friends, and you wanted to keep it that way, because friends meant drama. You had yourself to deal with, and that was enough.

Phil started asking you questions about yourself. You hated talking about yourself, so you answered shortly and returned the questions. Phil was much more outgoing and told you about himself, his career - youtuber and radio DJ, which you found quite cool - and his roommate and collegue Dan. You noticed how his eyes lit up when he talked about that last person,  his best friend. It made you feel weird. You didn't have a friend, let alone a best friend, so you couldn't relate. But the way he talked about it...it sounded great to have someone to go to, to talk to when you needed to talk, to do fun stuff with.
Mentally slapping yourself, you returned your attention to Phil's story. He had already noticed that you preferred listening over talking, so he just rambled on about anything and everything.

After talking for about an hour, you'd learned a lot about Phil. Philip Michael Lester, YouTube star AmazingPhil and radio DJ for BBC Radio 1, lived together with his best friend Dan Howell - who was also a youtuber. He loved video games and anime, just like you. He also liked the same music as you.
After all you had liked sitting there with him, listening to his stories. And for that you hated yourself. You had to stop this. You didn't like being around people, so you shouldn't like being around him. But when you were with him it was as if your hatred for humanity, your anxiety, your usual bitterness, were just thrown out of the window that he'd come crashing through.

And instead of thinking straight and just saying goodbye to him and never seeing him again, you exchanged phone numbers.

The phone number you had now blocked.

Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to. This was one of those things.

------------------------------------------------------------

Why I upload so much, you ask?

It's midterms and I have nothing else to do. Well actually I do have to do stuff for school but I procrastinate.
So yeah, here you go. Hope you enjoyed it.