Blue Moon (Phil Lester x Reader)

13. The letter

Dear Phil,

When you read this I'm gone, I've moved to America. You're probably wondering why, and you're probably angry at me for not telling you. You should be angry at me, I deserve it.

I'm sorry for keeping the truth from you. I planned this before I met you though, please keep that in mind.
Years ago I started saving money so I could go to America one day. It was my dream. My life in London was meaningless. I'm a college dropout. I have no family, they died in a carcrash when I was ten. My job was boring and Jason made my life even worse. I had no future here, and I wanted to seek it somewhere else.

And then I met you.

I remember that night, every bit of it. I remember that you walked me home and that we went to Starbucks on Saturday and Sunday, two days in a row. I remember that I wanted you to leave me alone, so we both could go on with our lives. But I couldn't resist you.
I'm quiet and introvert and I hate most people, but you managed to break down the wall. You kept trying, and I hated and loved it at the same time.

I fell for you Phil, and I fell hard. I knew I would hurt you if I kept seeing you, but as I said, I couldn't resist you. And I hated myself for that.
I wanted to make it last for as long as possible, make 'us' last.
Then why did I leave? I was, am, scared. What if I cancelled my plans to stay with you, and then it wouldn't work out? I'm scared you'd break my heart, and that's why I broke yours.
We fell too fast, landed too soon.

I'm sorry, Phil.

You'll find someone else, someone better than me. You deserve so much better.
You'll probably forget about me soon. I'll never forget you though. You made the past two months the best months of my life, thankyou for that.

Tell Dan I said goodbye, and that he has to take good care of you.
I wish both of you all the best.

I love you, Phil.
I should've told you when I could.
I'm sorry, so sorry. But it's for the best.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

(Y/N)