Blue Moon (Phil Lester x Reader)

9. Yes

A relationship?

'I...I'm sorry...is this too soon? You don't...I mean...if you don't want to...?'
His hands fiddled with the hem of his shirt. His eyes were focused on the floor.

I'm leaving in five weeks and I haven't told him. I'm gonna hurt him and myself if I say yes now. I really shouldn't... Why is he making it so hard to say no?

No. I shouldn't do this.

'Ofcourse I want to be your girlfriend!' you exclaimed with a bright smile.

Gosh what have I done...

Phil was clearly taken aback by your reaction. This was so not you. You didn't know what it was though. Impulse? Probably.

'Really?' There was a smile on his face now.
'Yes! Why wouldn't I?'

Five weeks. I'm allowed to have fun in those weeks, aren't I?

'I thought it was a bit early, maybe. I still couldn't help to ask though, and I'm so happy you said yes!' Phil's eyes were sparkling. Bright blue and sparkling, beautiful as always. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight.
You loved it when he hugged you. Phil gave the best hugs.
' I'm happy too' you mumbled, your voice muffled by Phil's chest.

And you knew that the happiness wouldn't last longer than five weeks, but you ignored it. You couldn't tell him now.
You liked him. You liked him very, very much. You didn't want to hurt him, but he was making it so hard to not do that. You'd have to hurt him eventually. Other people would've told him right away, but you weren't other people.
You wanted to have fun for the last five weeks. Make memories, good memories for once in your life. He'd have good memories too, and he'd understand it when you left, right? He'd understand that you had planned to leave before he walked into your life, and that you just couldn't tell him. At least...you hoped he would.
Everything always ends in pain, you knew that. But for as long as it lasted, you wanted to live in happiness. And then you would leave, just as you had planned. And you would break his heart, you knew that. You would tear everything apart. After five weeks the two of you would crash and burn, and you knew that.

But there was no going back now.

I'm sorry, Phil.

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Hello lovely reader person :)
I know this one's short, but I still hope you like it. I'll try to write more soon!

Much love,
Emmy ❤