An Angel in Disguise//Phan

Chapter 16

Phil's POV

I ignore the text I just received, brushing it off as a wrong number or something, and set my phone down on my bedside table. I lay down and allow my head to sink into my pillow.

-The next day-

I sit in my last class of the day, geography. The teacher drones on. I'm supposed to be taking notes, but my mind is elsewhere. Besides, what we're learning right now is easy, I don't need the notes.

My mind is mostly on Christmas. Christmas is always stressful for me, I don't know why. I think it's just I'm always scared that people will be disappointed in what I get for them. I just really want this Christmas to be special, considering I actually have a boyfriend now. I remember reading a lot of things on Instagram about people planning to come out to their parents on Christmas. If only my dad would be as understanding. I've come to the conclusion to just never tell my parents about my sexuality, I'd like for my dad to not kill me. It's definitely best if I keep it a secret from him. I know he'll react horribly if I tell him that I'm gay.

The bell going off snaps me out of my thoughts. I stand up and rush out of the classroom. I really don't want to deal with Jack, so I hurry off to my locker. I'm hoping I can avoid Jack the rest of this week, and just deal with him after Christmas break.

I open my locker and see a neatly wrapped present sitting inside of it. My first thought is: How did this person get into my locker? I quickly shove the box in my backpack, not bothering to read the name tag.

When I finally exit the school gates I stand outside, waiting for Dan to come out.

Soon enough he emerges into the cold, icy air. As soon as he reaches me he intertwines our fingers and we start walking.

We walk in a soothing silence before having to go separate ways, but not before sharing a tender kiss.

As I'm walking I feel my phone buzz. I pull it out to see another text from that same unknown number.

Unknown: why don't you answer me bby? X

Sighing, I decide to reply, this person probably just has the wrong number.

Sorry? I think you have the wrong number

I slide my phone back into my pocket, expecting another text from that person saying they accidentally texted the wrong person.

Nope. I meant to text you Philly x

I get a little confused. How do they know me? How do they know my number?

Who are you and how did you get my number??

Lets not worry about that silly. Lets just worry about where I'm gonna take you on our first date.

I stopped replying to any of that persons texts after that. I didn't know who they were, but I certainly was not interested in them.

I get home, jogging up the stairs and into my room. I sit on my bed and proceed to dig through my bag, pulling out the best gift. I turn it over, looking for a name tag. I find one, that reads:

To: little faggot
From: Jack

My breathing hitches, I thought I had avoided him. Obviously not. I know I probably shouldn't open this and should just throw it away, but curiosity gets the best of me. I unwrap the gift slowly, only to reveal a small box with a lid. I carefully pop the lid off, inspecting the inside of the box. The box is filled with small pieces of paper, each with handwriting scribbled down on it. I start to pull the papers out and read each one. Each piece has hurtful words written on it. Things like;

Do you really think Dan actually loves you?

You're useless.

Unloved.

Pathetic.

No one cares about you.

You're just a joke.

Your life is a joke.

No one actually loves you, not even Dan.

The lost goes on. I finally get to the bottom of all the hurtful notes. At the bottom there's a larger piece of paper saying:

You should hang these on your wall to remind you of how worthless you are.

My vision becomes foggy, my thoughts muffled. All I can hear is the hurtful words being yelled at me, slowly pulling me apart.

I want to text Dan. I want to ask him to come over so I can tell him about these notes. I want him to hug me and tell me none of them are true. I want him to soothe me and lay with me until I feel better. But I don't want to bother him, so I refrain from texting him, even though I want to so, so badly.

I put the notes back into the box and slide it under my bed, making sure no one can see it. I sit there, crying into a pillow and soaking it with my tears. It's just some stupid notes, I keep telling myself. I shouldn't care, yet I do. Just forget about it Phil. I can't though, the words hurt. They hurt, more than you would expect.

I jut want Dan, I want someone to hug me. To hold me. Tell me it's okay. I want Dan, oh god do I need Dan right now. But I can't call him, he'll be annoyed with me.

It's getting late, he's probably asleep by now. I didn't realize how long I've been sitting here crying and staring at these notes. Stay strong Phil, I tell myself. They're just stupid notes. Don't worry about it. Just stupid notes.

Just

Stupid

Notes..

************

I don't know how to tell you I'm broken without feeling needy.

I don't know how to open up without feeling judged.

I don't know how to cry when my tears feel like acid.

I just need you to see that I'm hurting without me telling you.

Because my words are bleeding out of my mouth, waiting for you to stitch me up and make me fine although I know that's not your job and you're better off without me.

I just need you to see me.

I want someone to take the monsters away.