An Angel in Disguise//Phan

Chapter 17

Here's a little Christmas present for ya.

(Trigger warning as always)

Phil's POV

It's finally Friday, thank god. I just have to get through the rest of today and then I'm free from school for two weeks. I'm now sitting next to Dan at lunch. I push my food around my tray lazily, not bothering to eat any today.

"Phil?" I look up to see Dan staring at me.

"Yeah?"

"You alright? You haven't eaten anything," he asks, a bit of concern showing through his eyes.

"Yeah I'm fine, just still full from breakfast I guess," I lie. I didn't eat breakfast, but it's not like it matters anyway. Dan nods and goes back to eating his food.

-mini time skip-

I open my locker and see another wrapped box in it. I sigh, putting it in my bag. I've been getting 'presents' from Jack every day this week. I'm tempted to throw this one away and forget about it, but I don't. Part of me wants to throw the box away and save myself some pain, and part of me just wants to know what lies in this box. I'm honestly surprised that Jack actually wasted his time to do this. Even though it's obviously not nice, he still wasted some time to do this.

I get home, rush upstairs, and sit on my bed ready to open the box, as usual. I rip the wrapping paper off, my hands shaking, and take off the lid to the box. The notes seem to have gotten more hurtful each time I read a new one. Why am I torturing myself by readying these notes? I don't know, maybe because I know they're true? Whatever the reason is, I keep reading the notes, my hands getting even more shaky.

Unwanted

Rubbish

Idiot

Freak

Ugly

Fat

Disgusting

Messed up

Loser

Mental

I feel tears prick my eyes as I read the last note.

You deserve to slit your wrists and kill yourself

And there, sitting at the bottom of the box, is a small rectangular blade. All shiny and new. My breathing becomes heavier, I start to hyperventilate. I back up until my back is against my headboard. I pull my knees up to my chests and burry my face in my legs, pulling at my hair.

Nononono.

Stop.

I try to control my breathing, and stop the tears. I get my breathing under control. I reach forward, some tears still running down my face, and take the little blade in my hands.

Soon I'm sitting on the cold floor of my bathroom, staring at the blade. I really don't want to do this, I've stopped. I thought I've stopped, for good, but now I'm not so sure. I slowly pull down my pants, exposing my thighs. If I'm gonna do this, I can't make it obvious. The cuts being on my thighs, no one will notice. Just one cut, that's all.