I didn't get much sleep at all last night, Ethan kept having nightmares and screaming in his sleep. It terrified me, every time he would shout out in pain, every time he would start shaking.
It was about 1pm and we were still just lead there. That's when I noticed that Ethan's eyes were open, and he was just staring off into space.
"Hey Eth?" I said quietly as I sat up. He didn't say anything, he just lifted his head to look at me.
His eyes were red and puffy, dark circles hung low under his eyes and his complexion was pale. It looked like he was forcing his eyes to stay open as he must not have gotten a lot of sleep either.
I ran my hand through his hair and trailed it down his jawline as he closed his eyes and a tear slipped down his face. I pulled him in close and placed a kiss on his forehead before sitting up fully.
"I'll be back in a minute, okay? I'm just gonna go make us some breakfast." I said softly as I stood up.
"I-I wanna come." He said quietly as he laced his fingers with mine.
We slowly walked down the stairs and I went straight to the kitchen. Ethan went to the living room and sat down as I searched through the cupboards, finding nothing. I hadn't been grocery shopping in ages and Luke wouldn't have done it for me when he came back.
That's when I decided to just order a pizza, it was 1pm after all. I ordered a large pineapple pizza as I knew it was Ethan's favourite, and warm chocolate chip cookies.
Just as I was about to walk into the living room to be with Ethan, I felt 2 arms snake around my waist.
"I'm sorry for scaring you last night." Ethan whispered into my hair. His voice was almost nonexistent and I could practically hear his pain when he spoke.
"It's okay, Ethan." I said as I lifted my arm and placed it at the back of his neck, pulling his body closer to mine. Ethan turned me around and leant our bodies against the kitchen counter.
"I ordered pizza." I said with a small smile, trying not to crack at the sight of Ethan's tear stained face.
"I heard." He said, a small smile landing on his lips for a split second, but then his face immediately became blank again.
"Thank you, Blaire." He said as he rested his head on my shoulder.
"For what?" I asked, trying to get him talking again.
"Being there. If you weren't with me last night, I don't know what I would have done, probably something stupid." He said as he ran his hand up and down my back.
He lifted his head off my shoulder and looked me in the eyes, before pressing his lips up against mine. The kiss was passionate and full of lust.
The next thing I knew, I was sat on top of the counter and Ethan's shirt was halfway across the room. That's when Ethan carried me to the couch and laid me down on it, not breaking the kiss.
His body was in between my legs as they wrapped around his torso, his lips attached to my neck.
"I. Want You. Blaire." He said in between kisses.
"Please. Help me to. Forget." He said as his hands went up my shirt.
"Ethan." I said as I pushed on his chest so he would look at me.
"It won't help you forget, it will make you remember your pain every single time after. Trust me, I know." I said, slowly sitting up.
"I don't care." He said as he pushed me back down and continued kissing down my neck.
"Right now you don't, but you will. Please Ethan, trust me." I said as placed my hand under his chin and brought his lips back to mine.
When I lost my parents I started sleeping around, trying desperately to forget but that's not how it works. Now, whenever someone touches me all I can think about is the pain I went through, the heartbreak of my parents death. It all comes back to me and I just break down. I don't want Ethan to make the same mistake I did.
I flipped us over and straddled his waist, kissing him softly. I pecked his lips a couple more times then rested my head on his shoulder, burying my face into his neck.
"The pizza should be here any minute." I said as Ethan ran his fingers through my long hair. Just as I said that, the doorbell rang.
I stood up and fixed my shirt before opening the door and paying the delivery guy. When I walked back into the living room, Ethan was sat with his head in his hands.
I placed the food on the table, then walked into the kitchen and picked Ethan's shirt up off the floor, before walking back into the living room.
"Here." I handed him his shirt and he put it on. I then jumped onto the couch next to him and turned on the Tv, playing the first movie that I saw. I grabbed the pizza box and opened it as I crossed my legs and turned to Ethan.
I smiled at him as I gestured for him to take a slice, which he gladly did. We ate the pizza in silence as we watched the shitty movie that I had clicked on.
That's when Ethan reached into his back pocket to pull out his phone, when he realised it wasn't there. I just stood up and jogged upstairs, grabbing it from the charger then walking back down.
"I hope you don't mind, but I texted your mom and Grayson, they were worried last night so I told them where you were." I said with a smile as I handed him his phone.
"Thanks." He said as he unlocked his phone and opened twitter.
"Gray hasn't told the fans yet, do you think I should?" He asked.
"Maybe you 2 should decide that together, make sure that you both want them to know right now." I said with a small smile.
"Maybe you should just wait a little until you and Grayson are feeling more stable about the situation. I'm sure your fans would understand if you were to take a little break." I said honestly.
He just nodded his head as he switched to snapchat. He replayed the videos from yesterday when we got kicked out of the ice rink. A small smile landed on his face as he watched them, but as soon as they had finished his frown came back.
That's when he suddenly moved all the food and pulled me into his arms.
"Why do I feel like this?" He asked as he started to cry again.
"Ethan, to be honest, I would be worried if you didn't." I said as I held him tightly.
"Just let it out, Ethan. Just cry, You'll feel better after." I said as I ran my fingers through his hair.
He then started sobbing and the tears streamed down his face. The whole time he held me in his arms, rocking back and forwards.
He cried for 10 minutes straight, then started to calm down.
"You were right, I do feel a little better now." He said after his tears had stopped flowing. That's when I had an idea.
"I need to take you somewhere." I said as I wiped away his drying tears with the pads of my thumbs.
"Blaire I don't feel like going anywhere-"
"Hush. You're going. But first you're gonna eat this cookie." I said as I pushed the cookie into his mouth. He kind of let out a small chuckle before he bit down on the cookie.
I left him as he ate his cookie to go find him a coat. I walked into my brothers old room and grabbed his thick black coat and some clean clothes. I then quickly went to my room and changed into some jeans, a jumper and a coat, before running down the stairs back to Ethan.
"Here ya go!" I kind of yelled as I threw him the clothes and coat.
"Blaire I really don't feel like going out-" I shut him up by kissing him quickly.
"You're going."
