Broken Poetry

Rant

12/21/16

I don't know why, but I just can't seem to feel loved. Not like a family type love where you love that person like a sister. I'm loved so much in that area, but a love that makes your stomach twist and your whole body sweat with excitement? That, I don't feel. Yes, I feel it for others, but I never feel it coming back to me. No one holds me when I cry, no one giggles with me on a date, no one kisses me or treats me like a princess. No one has ever done that for me.

I just want to be loved, to have love like the couples around me. Even if it were for a short while, I would enjoy every second of it. I don't just want the positive part of a relationship, but the negatives are what make us stronger.

Us. I rarely use that word, what's my reason to? There is simply no "us" in my life. It's just me and my feelings of insecurity. If there were an "us" I'd be surprised.

I just want someone to care. Someone to hold me when I cry. That's not too much to ask for... is it?

Maybe it is, maybe I'm asking for too much. I'm young, but so are the couples around me. They seem happy. Excited. In love.

That gut feeling when you are touched by the person who makes your cheeks heat up like an oven? I don't know that feeling. I doubt I will ever know that feeling. But I do know the feeling of longing for something that you just can't buy or grab. I know the feeling of watching and waiting to see if something will change for the better or worse, anything to save you from the normal you hate. Just to cause up drama, or conversation is like a battle with your life on the line because you just want a little bit of love. Just a pinch of that sweet feeling everyone else has experienced.

I could love another all day, night, and year. But that's nothing compared to being loved. Being liked, admired or looked up to.

Maybe I'm just a little confused. Love can't fix everything, but it can sure as heckles make it easier.