sent ➳ phan

13

grae: hello, this is the first non-texting chapter that i'll ever write and i have to warn you that im not that good at english as it isnt my first language. you can point it out nicely if there are errors.

lower case intended

✶

dan

i lay in my bed, smiling stupidly at the stupid message that phil sent me. we've been texting for two weeks now and he's just being the angelic person that he is. i can tell you that he's not as innocent as you think, he will sometimes flirt with me, unintentionally or not, i have yet to find out.

sometimes, when i see him at school, i just want to walk right up to him and say, "hey, it's me, dannyfire" so maybe we can be friends even in real life.

but i know i can't do that.

i don't even know if he's still mad at me over what happened when we were in year 9. we aren't close friends before, but we have mutual friends and we occasionally hung out, we were getting there if it wasn't for the incident that happened.

i know what happened that night isn't my fault. but i just can't help but blame myself for everything. if i hadn't—

i really need to stop thinking about that night, it's been three years.

*

the next day, i saw him, he is seated on the table next to me. he was with pj as usual.

"dan,"

i tried to calm myself, pretending that i wasn't ogling phil a few seconds ago, "what?" i asked, feigning annoyance.

"you seem to be looking at lester a lot."

i felt heat crawl up my cheeks. i looked down, causing my fringe to fall down my face.

"no, i'm not."

"wow, is the daniel howell blushing?" chris leant forward, probably about to push my hair back to see my face clearly but i swatted his hand away, glowering at him in the process.

"shut the fuck up or i swear to god, i will punch you in the throat."

"aww danny, that's harsh." he pouted

"chris jus—"

"do you like him?"

"what"

"do you like lester?"

i was caught off guard with the question and to be honest, i don't know how to respond. it's not that i don't like phil, i've been having a crush on him since we were in year 9 for god's sake. i just don't know if i'm ready to admit it to someone other than myself.

"no"

he raised an eyebrow, gazing at me scrutinisingly. "yeah, sure" he then proceeded to extract the sandwich from the wrapper. i could tell he wasn't convinced with my answer.

i'm not comfortable telling it to someone just yet. but i don't know, maybe i'll tell him eventually.

who am i kidding, even if i tell this to phil, nothing will change.

i'm still stupidly pining for someone who wouldn't like me back.