sent ➳ phan

117

phil

"you really don't have to tell me, you know. i just want to make you feel better somehow." charlie said as he's being served the earl grey tea in white china pot at round table that we're currently sitting at. i looked down at the ice cream i order which was starting to melt. this is the first time i didn't feel like eating something sweet.

"i know. thank you, charlie." he offered a tentative, yet gentle smile.

the moment i sat next to charlie, he asked me why i don't look like my "upbeat self" i just told him i had a bad day which he didn't buy and insisted i tell him why. when i told him i want to skip classes, he was more than willing to join me (which surprised me because charlie is one of those students who never skips classes.)

"phil?"

"hmm?" i hummed in response

"wanna get some coffee?"

and we did, we got out of the school to go to a coffee shop nearby. he insisted to pay for my coffee and ice cream (weird combination, i know) and i didn't have it in me to argue so i just let him and blurt out a small "thank you."

i was quiet at first, but there's something about charlie that made me comfortable. so i eventually stopped giving him silent treatment and actually enjoyed my time in his company. i started smiling until...

"are you and dan okay?" my smile dropped instinctively the moment i heard those words. i wanted to say that yes, we are okay. but that will be a lie and i'm so sick of pretending that everything's okay.

"why do you ask?" i took a sip of my coffee, refusing to meet his gaze.

"i-i, you two just seemed attached at the hip a month ago but i feel like... something changed." he said, shooting me a tentative smile, "please don't feel obligated to tell me, i'm just a bit worried and we haven't hung out in a while."

suddenly, i felt bad. charlie and i used to talk all the time until i... just kinda stopped approaching him. it wasn't my intention. i don't know why  it happened.

so i found myself telling him everything that happened with dan. how dan and i almost broke up but everything got better until i ruined it again. i told him how i felt. everything i told him isn't exactly nice and happy but it made me feel better, like a weight is lifted off my chest.

"phil, i know what happened about your past relationships. i know a lot of it didn't end well. and dan is just the same." he smiled gently, "i know dan, and i know how long he liked you for. his past relationship didn't end well either. i understand that you need a break and i think you do too. but phil, him being jealous doesn't mean that he doesn't trust you or believe you love him, he's just afraid to lose you." he took my hand and gave it a slight squeeze, "phil, i know you wanted a break, but it's been three weeks and you haven't talked to him, you never even replied to his messages. i'm sure he feels really bad, thinking you don't want to talk to him anymore, you could've maybe replied to one of his messages." when i didn't respond, he just gave me a tight-lipped smile, "i'm not saying you should get back together, i understand if you think you need more time, but you really should talk to him, to maybe clear things up."

i bit my lip, feeling like a total idiot. he sighed.

"do you love him?"

"of course." my response was immediate

charlie smiled, "then go find him. he's waiting for you."

—

grae: i cant write like an intense angst so enjoy these little angst.

ps. my finals are coming up so i dont know if my daily updates are back

pps. sorry this chapter is shit

edit: 12/28/18 i changed this chapter a little bit. the time i wrote this, i kinda felt pressure to bring them back together fast because of the comments now i regret that i didn't go with what i wanted to write. they really needed a break.