sent ➳ phan

30

phil

i tossed my phone roughly on my bed and let out a groan. dan isn't just gonna reply anytime soon, is he?

my words might have come off the wrong way but he should know better than that. he should have remember that we had an argument like this before but he eventually realised that he just misunderstood.

i tousled my hair in frustration and plopped back down to bed.

i hate not being able to talk to dan.

*

this day can honestly just fuck off.

dan wouldn't talk to me and now i can't see pj anywhere. can this day get any worse?

i decided to spend my free time in the library. since it's really quiet there, maybe i could use a nap.

just as i was walking on the aisle, i caught a glimpse of dan howell, quite literally burying his head on a book. he looks really adorable.

dan howell and i were friends when we were in year 9 and he was accused of helping my ex-girlfriend cheat on me. but i know it wasn't true, i didn't believe it. phoebe had cheated on me before, how could i be so sure that she won't do it again? i'm such an idiot. after that, i noticed he started avoiding me that i was almost convinced that the cheating thing was true if not for the fact that dan is really timid and can be a bit panicky at times. he constantly fidgets when i'm around, probably thinking that i hated him because of the cheating rumour so i decided to stay away from him for a while because he seems so uncomfortable around me. and we eventually drifted apart.

i scratched the back of my head for the memory. maybe i should have put more effort to talk to him.

i decided to veer towards the table he's sitting in.

i sat at the chair next to him, "hey," i pat his shoulder gently.

his shoulders visibly jumped at the sudden attention, immediately lifting his head off the book and looking as if he was caught red-handed. his eyes wide as saucers when his gaze fell on me, "p-phil?" he said, as if not believing his eyes.

i almost laughed but i caught myself just in time, "yeah? it's me." i smiled, "hello dan,"

his jaw dropped open a bit but abruptly closed it again, his cheeks flushing.

"d-do you need something?" he said, looking anywhere but my eyes

"well um," i bit my lip, unsure of what to say, "nothing, really. i just wanted to talk to you."

"oh"

"yeah," i said awkwardly

after a few seconds of painful silence, i decided to speak the first thing that comes to my head, "do you think pineapples belong to pizza?"

he audibly snorted right after hearing my question and i blushed when i realised how stupid my question sounded.

"that sounded really stupid, i m—"

"yeah"

"what?"

"i said yeah, i like pineapples on pizza." he grinned tentatively.

i involuntarily smiled back. i've been trying to convince pj that pineapples tastes really good on pizza but he just said that it's gross. it's nice to find someone to agree with.

"me too!" i said, maybe with too much enthusiasm.

"right? i don't understand how can people say they don't like it on pizza."

"exactly! it's tastes good, they need to stop being so whiny, saying that it's gross."

"we haven't talked in a long time and the first thing we talk about is pizza on pineapple?" he chuckled, "phil lester, you are something else"

"i'll take that as a compliment" i smiled for a bit but it faded when i remembered why i wanted to talk to him in the first place, "i'm sorry"

"wha—phil? what are you sorry for?"

"for ditching you. we were great friends and i ruined it. i didn't even make an attempt to talk to you."

he was visibly unnerved on my sudden apologies, opening his mouth and closing it again afterwards.

"phil, you don't have to be sorry." he decided, "i-i was the one who helped your girlfriend cheat on you." he's on the verge of tears, i can see it. and it took everything for me not to just throw my arms in his torso and just tell him everything's fine.

"dan, did you really?"

his lower lip is trembling a bit, "she kissed me." he bit his lower lip to try to stop it from trembling, "and i didn't do anything to stop her."

"dan," i placed my hands atop of his clenched ones, "it's not your fault, she kissed you, not the other way around."

"why are you so nice? i don't deserve you." he used his sleeves to wipe the tears threatening to fall down his cheeks, "this is why i was so scared to talk to you. now i feel even more guilty." he let out a humorless laugh

my heart broke at the sight. the reason why he's been avoiding me is because he's been beating himself up over something that he didn't even do.

"i-i thought you hated me. i was so happy lately when you sat next to me."

"dan, i would never. i just thought you looked uncomfortable when i'm around so i decided to stay away from you for a bit." i fiddled with my thumbs, "and yeah, i just—we just drifted apart."

"i wasn't uncomfortable, i just didn't know how to act around you when your girlfriend cheated on you with me." he tried to stop the tears but failing to do so, "i can't believe i'm crying over this."

"don't cry, love" i played with his left hand, "it's not a big deal. she cheated on me before that happened, i was an idiot for believing she won't do it again."

"but still i—" he didn't get to finish what he's about to say when i pulled him to a hug and burying my nose in his hair.

"shush, say no more." he smells just like vanilla, "i miss you so much."

after a few seconds, he responded, "i miss you too."

grae: i know my grammar is crap and i haven't really edited this one so i'm sorry in advance. but thank you so much for still reading this ilu.

but yayy, they finally met! (phil didn't know its the same dan but still) and i finally added some fluff, i guess.

anywayss, the next chapter will probably  be non-texting too

also, im watching la la land.