The Book Of Beautiful Souls

Anonymous

A N O N Y M O U S

I was in the 6th grade when I lost my best friend. She suffered from many problems, but the most she suffered from were heart problems.

On her funeral, I was sitting on the stairs because I couldn't get myself to see her in the coffin. So, I just sat and thank God this boy, who was a good friend of mine, saw me and came over to me later that day.

I told him everything about personal life, friends, secrets, everything he stood by my side until I had to leave the country for a year. He was basically my best friend.

When I came back in grade 8, he changed. He wouldn't talk to me properly and all. By then I lost the closeness I had with my Mum because she started getting close to my older sister. She would think that what I do or what I say is just crap in general. I lost bonds with everyone.

Later through 8th grade, I found out stuff I never thought I would hear. People thought differently of me and judged me because of who I am. The boy started dating my closest friend and I know its stupid to say or expect that he would care because he didn't know that I was dealing with a major crush on him.

He backstabbed me hard that time everything felt stupid to me. I started dealing with anxiety and still do. I barely spoke or ate. I started to cut in places where people wouldn't see. He once saw a deep cut mark healing near my shoulder. He asked me what happened and I replied with, “Sometimes you gotta do shit to get your own satisfaction.”

Yesterday at school, I wore a red dress with a belt around my waist. His ex was all shitty and exposing me to our English class. She said that I'm anorexic, and all I do is beat around the bush, looking for a person that actually cares about me.

I thought what she said was true. I came home and got a needle and started making scars on inner arm. I don't know what to do anymore. No one knows these feelings that are stored in my heart and yet they expect me to be happy with life.

How can I be when I don't have anyone to talk to? To go to?

I hate my life so fucking much. My advice to young girls would be, “You're the writer of your story. You decide how it goes.”

I couldn't decide what I want and probably won't be able to ever, because I'm too busy pleasing the people around me, while I barely know who I am.

Find yourself before you find others.

❇❇❇

ThePsychoMadHatter: You know who you are, I know who you are, I just want to thank you for sharing this with us, it means a lot ❤ doesn't matter if people around the world have it worse, we just know that in this chapter, you are the hero, you are the main point. You are the one we care about and we do love you ❤

There may be billions of people walking this Earth, but that doesn't lessen the fact that you matter ❤ you're amazing, just like everyone else, but just in your own beautiful way.

We are all here for you, we are all here for each other, and we will support you in this, no matter what ❤❤