The Book Of Beautiful Souls

sparkiiy

The Story of sparkiiy

I don't really know where to begin but I know where it starts. Back in elementary school, I was bullied a lot because I was small and skinny. I was like that because I was two months premature, nothing I could help with. I am also a only child so that didn't help much either.

I would try to find as many friends as possible that would accept me for who I am, but mostly everyone turned me away and called me a weirdo and a freak, and it's sad because I believed them.

All throughout elementary school and even now in highschool, I have struggled with school work, mostly in math and science, but you get the point. I would be teased about that too, failing tests and subjects, sometimes I would be physically bullied, not just verbally. I found few friends that would accept me for who I am and most of them weren't around to stay. Going into highschool was one of the hardest things for me because I know that I would be cast out to be the outcast, weirdo, and freak that I know I am. And It happened.

Though I had more friends than I did in elementary school, I still couldn't help but feel so alone. I would often fight my friends on each other's opinions because I always felt that mine were superior because I had more knowledge of the subject. I would often come home to my parents fighting, and now I come home to an empty house because both of my parents are working.

They seem to get along but I feel as though they could get a divorce any day because they are always fighting. My mom doesn't help either. I've ran away from home twice and almost moved out several times because of her, hitting me, grabbing me, constantly yelling at me and making my cry. I began cutting in grade 9. I had a boyfriend back then, but it wasn't meant to last as he was a cheater, but I didn't care much for it as I knew it would happen eventually.

Four days after we broke up, he went out with my best friend for eleven months, just to get back at me. Around this time I found myself going on social media more and more as I had recently gotten a phone. Soon my phone became my life line as many of my friends were internet friends and on my phone.

In grade ten I had friends that would come and go, and some that would stay. Three of my best friends, two boys in grade twelve, and one girl in grade eleven, became my brothers and sister. I don't know where I would be without them here today. In October of 2015, I tried to jump in front of a car and kill myself. Later that day, my friends found out from the person that saved me. They found out I had been cutting, saw my scars and fresh cuts. Many of my friends abandoned me after that.

My parents found out, I was on house arrest and put into a help group. My depression got worse. After a few months when I had hidden all signs of doing anything, my parents gave me my freedom back. It didn't matter though, I still had no friends. Shortly after that, even though I had known it for a while, I came out as bisexual. Even more people left me to the point where I only had four friends that I knew would stay. The cutting started up again four months after.

I would abuse prescription drugs and hurt myself day after day because of the bullying, because people told me that I didn't belong. I would skip classes and fail them because I didn't have the motivation to do anything. I started up YouTube as a form of therapy but I only ever got hate from it. I became anorexic, only eating if I was forced to, which was often. I dropped from 120 pounds to 80 and found myself having a hard time sleeping.

Nothing much has changed around this time though I seem to have more friends and my eating has gotten better. I am still in a state that makes people scared for my safety but I know that in the future, I will survive.

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ThePsychoMadHatter: You will survive, and we will always be with you. You don't have to walk your road alone! You have been one of the most supportive people and thank you so much! Thank you for sharing, thank you for helping! ❤

We have 57 stories now and that means so much to me ❤❤❤ you guys trusting me, and everyone else, is just amazing! I really hope this helps!

And sparkiiy, we love you ❤

❤ Stay Strong ❤