Only Fools (Camila/You)

Sniffing Vicodin In Paris

"Y'know, my grandfather didn't have a pinky either." I said, while examining the ugly tape job on my left hand.

"You just got hit by a car and you're making jokes? You really don't know when to stop. It's my fault you're in pain. I should have gone with you. You almost lost your fifth finger! So much for putting your five high huh?" Camila said sadly from the edge of my bed. "Mila, please don't blame yourself. I literally just snapped my pinky, relax."

"I can't do anything right." She sighed sadly. I furrowed my eyebrows, waiting for her to continue, but she didn't. "Camila are you sure you're okay?"

"This is about you. Now is not the time to make it about me. Let's get some sleep, mi amor-"

"Talk to me, princess. Something's been eating away at you I can see it." Camila crawled over to me and gently laid me on my back, cuddling into my breasts. She grabbed my left hand and kissed gently along my broken finger.

I sighed knowing she wouldn't spill tonight.

"Curse of the first night of tour huh?" She said tiredly. "Yeah." I answered with a scoff. "When should I tell the kiddos?" I continued, making her simply shrug in response. "Whenever you want I guess. We don't perform for a couple days, think you'll be good for that?" I yawned and nodded.

"Yeah. I mean I don't need my pinky to dance, although this ugly wrap kinda sucks. So not sexy." I smiled at the vibrations I felt as Camila giggled into my chest.

"Op there it is."

"What?"

"My painkillers are kicking in."

"What do they have you on this time?" She mumbled, entangling her legs with mine. "That good shit" I said with a content head nod making Camila giggle into my chest. "Really,
Y/n. I wanna know."

"For what? You want some? I'm sure I can hook you up" she giggled once more, making me smile. "I'm taking Vicodin. 2 tablets every 4-6 hours." She nodded and patted my stomach. "Vicodin. What does that do to you?"

"It numbs me up. I feel good."

"Y/n"

"Hmm?"

"Could it kill you?" Her voice, curious and concerned at the same time. "Oh yeah, If I take too many." I paused and let my thoughts wander.

If I died would anyone care? I'd like to think so. I know Camila'd be devastated. It hurts to even think about hurting her, but would anyone else care really? I don't think the fans would mind all too much. I've definitely gained more attention over the years but I'm still the odd girl out. How would my family react? I know this'd break Julien's heart. It breaks mine even thinking about not being there to care for him.

I'm not even there for him now, so what's the difference? I'm now realizing that my family sacrifices so much for me. I get to live out my dream while they live on their lives without me, and as bigheaded as that sounds, I know they miss me, I know Julien cries for me; I've seen it. I know my mom sleeps in my bed sometimes; dad tells me. I know dad tries to be tough for them but-

"Wait do you think there's sex after death?" I interrupted my own thoughts as well as the silence that consumed the room. "Huh?" Camila laughed from beside me.

"Is that one of your many philosophical questions?"

"I mean- think about that, Mila; where do we go once we die? What can we do there? Who will we see there? What's gonna happen when I wake up? Where will I be then?" I trained my eyes to the off-white colored ceiling, imagining the stars instead.