In Dire Need of Cessation

Eleven

Five days, twelve hours, thirty-two minutes, and fifteen seconds.

In order for me to merely sit in one place, to just be, was like fighting to walk against a river's current as it traveled upstream. Any excitement or interest had fled away in the direction of this stranger who was one inhabited in the house. The only sign of life in my room, which I had locked myself in, was the flicker of a candle on the window ceil.

It was the same candle Esme once bought me four years ago, a fragrance Yankee candle, as she told me I needed to 'spice my room up a bit'. I believed it to be vanilla, never used, but I was thankful she bought it for me as I now used it to see if there was a presence in the room.

Every time the flame flicked or burned just that little bit taller, I would rush over to it, look around my room, and then be faced with the disappointment as I realized there was still a hollowness in the air.

How could you?

It was those words which were screamed down the halls, that never left my mind. Not once. How could I? It was a choice between family and...and? I didn't know. A friend. An acquaintance.

Had I chosen correctly?

It was only when the sun started to set on day five, closing another day of isolation away, that I wished to be able to sleep, just to shut my eyes and let my mind wander, away from reality and into a world where anything was possible. Happiness was possible, instead of this void inside of me that couldn't be filled by anything. Not even family, who had tried so desperately hard to discover what was wrong.

Only Jasper knew, but he was sworn to secrecy.

"Knock, knock," Esme said quietly from the other side of the door. Of course, I had already heard her approach, but being the respectful lady she was, Esme waited for an answer.

"Come in, Esme," I replied, my voice drained from the saturation of what was once there. I kept my gaze on the candle as I stood above it, watching the golden glow that surrounded it and the moving shadows.

Please come back.

Turning to see Esme enter, I studied her miserable face, which was, guiltily, due to me. "Edward," she smiled sadly as she saw me beside the candle, again.

Not wanting to see the kindest woman who walked this planet upset, I strode away from the candle and towards her, giving my mother a hug.

I didn't know it would hurt you like this, Edward. I'm so sorry.

Inhaling her scent of lavender, something she had always smelled of, as her head rested on my shoulder, I silently shook my head, telling her not to worry. My pain didn't have to be the burden of Esme, but I couldn't prevent the longing I felt.

Longing for something new.

"I just feel guilty, Esme," I admitted as I pulled away from our embrace. "I feel as though it was my duty to protect the presence in the house, and now, with it banished, I feel no better than an adulterer!" I weaved a hand through my hair, eying the candle again as I wished for there to be any sign.

"It was never your duty, Edward, and to have the burden of guilt on your shoulders isn't fair-" Esme began as I turned to look back at her.

"-Nor is performing an exorcism on a harmless ghost, who now could be anywhere! Who said it would go to Heaven or Hell? We basically threw this innocent ghost out, forcing it to somewhere it wasn't ready to go." My voice sounded heavy, low, as I explained the reasoning that had been poisoning my mind ever since the exorcism.

Esme bowed her head slightly, seeing the truth in my words. She didn't know what to say.

"It's fine, though," I lied, shrugging. "I will just find some other tedious hobby to take up my time and add to my list." I was never so rude, yet, with everyone telling me 'it was the right thing to do' I was at my wit's end.