Shattered - |d.s|

IX

My thoughts begin to drown me. I'm suffocating. My brain doesn't shut up, it speaks louder, faster. They come and haunt me. Why me? What did I do? I try to survive, live but I can feel the demon pushing me down, trapping me. I can feel the hole in my chest. I see death inviting me to his kingdom ever so slowly.

Everything hurts.

"I'm going to sit by the water." I stammer, standing up and making my way towards it.

I sit by the water, my head buried between my knees. I can feel the hot tears sliding down my face. Thank god, I wore waterproof makeup but I don't think that it can help me. I sense someone sit beside me and I knew it was Dan. I automatically lean towards him and he puts his arm around me. He says nothing. I finally get the courage to look towards him and he stares at me, wiping away the tears. He holds my hand while we both stare ahead.

"It's because of my ex- boyfriend." I quietly say, pausing.he begins to draw patterns on my hand. "He never treated me right, and I began to have depression. I slowly began to lose my interest in painting, therefore, I could never let out my anger and sadness. I have memories, bad ones, which my mind likes to show all the time. I can't escape it Dan." I whisper the last part.

I told him. Well not the entire truth, but he deserves to know some of it. I barely know him however, he always wants to know if I'm feeling okay. I feel some on the weight in my heart begin to disappear. I feel lighter, even though I've barely told him anything.

Someday I might tell him. Someday in the future.

"I'm sorry." He says.

"You have no reason to be sorry." I tell him.

"When I was growing up, I suffered depression as well, I know how shitty it is like. Growing up, I used to get bullied a lot, people called me useless. I was compared to my sister quite a lot. It was like I wasn't there, like I was just some ghost walking around. And I believed it. However, my escape was writing songs. It felt like music understood me more than other people. Now look at me Ellie. My whole life is based around what I love, music was always there for me and still is." He paused, breathing heavily before he started speaking again.

You can't change your past, it's inevitable but, you can change your future, but the only way to do that is if you are willing to work through it. I know how hard it is, but once you let go of all the sadness and pain, believe me you can heal." He states, I look at him and I can see his eyes are glassy. He's going to cry.

I intertwine our hands together. He softly smiles, his smile never really reaching his face, causing my heart to shatter. His words impact me. Who said I can't change and become a better person.

What about if your not meant to be a better person.

"Sometimes I get memories which haunt me. I choose to push them away. You're better than your past, Ellie. You have so much potential. If you allow your heart to heal, you can truly be happy again." His voice cracks at the end.

He doesn't speak afterwards. He kisses my cheek and stands up to join the others. I still sit there. What about if I can put my memories behind me. What about if I choose to ignore them, would they go? What if Dan is the person who can help me? What about if Dan is my escape key?

Shortly after Dan going, Will comes and sits beside me.

"I'm sorry, the others were beginning to annoy me, so I came here. You don't mind do you?"

"Of course not." I reply, smiling.

We ended up talking. Mostly about his life at home and how he felt when the band started. He also told me that he never used to like Kyle at first. He used to call him a 'man obsessed with cats' as Kyle would not shut up about them. This caused me to giggle.