In the cloudy mist of my mind awaits a stranger; backed in a corner, frightened and confused. She's shivering from the cold thoughts of suicide and personal demise; aggravated by the constant clash of opinions thrown at her. Beaten and bruised, she rocks. In a daze. There's no telling what's really going on with her. She use to be so "confident" as others would say, "I" calls it empty. She was, before this unfortunate circumstance, like clay, easily molded into the image that is so conveniently placed in front of her; a pawn.
Misunderstood by everyone, especially herself. When did this happen? What caused this awakening to occur? Because that's what it is right? An awakening? No one isolates their emotions without true revelation of what they mean. That's what she's doing. Because when she tries to put them into words they get twisted, skewed. Chewed up and spit back in her face; no where near their actual interpretation. So she rocks. No more sharing, no more over exertion, no more "faking it to make it", no more false smiles and endless manipulation of the minds of others. Just pure focus on self. It sucks when you realize who "I" is. The conductor, you know? The puppet master. The "I" is so easily forgotten. But when "you" stare them in the soul, the curiosity appears...how long has what she thought was the "I" NOT been in control? How long has she been pulled into multiple directions without any relaxation or release. Tense.
This isn't sorrow she's experiencing. This is discovery. And in order to discover the "I" one must spend time understanding it. In doing so, others may be lost, but that's a loss she's willing to face. This corner seems much more inviting than the world that simply adored the shell. She hates being hollow. She hates wearing the mask. Now that she is filling up with questions of existence and emotion, others show disapproval and fear of her transition. That's all it is, it's a transition. Sooner or later that stranger will stand again. She will speak again, she will smile again, she will lead again, but no longer under false pretense. She will be so self-aware that the hollow ca-coon she was once draped in will be the only thing that remains in that corner. And when she steps forward. She WILL be sure.
