I've been focusing a lot lately on the idea of a necessary duality; finding the innate purpose of both the good and evil that exists in the world and understanding their balance.
My life use to seem so simple, until I realized that same duality within myself. The two halves that make me whole have been so hidden from each other that they have forgotten how to work together. No longer Siamese they are just coexisting in a space without interaction. I was asked to face these two, as the individuals they have become.
Who are they? How could I possibly describe what's been so buried beneath denial for so long? And to answer the question as to "which is holding me back would almost be blasphemy because how could I exist without one? "I" need both.
The Black Swan, that would normally be seen as "negative", to me is the side I crave most.
She is the impulsive side of me that wants to follow the path of creativity and freedom.
She is the the liberal; without a care or judgment of others.
She has seen and done it all. Believe ME.
She is Free.
She is the one who makes decisions based on her soul and heart, not her mind and consequence.
She is passionate.
She is a bit reckless, however, in a sense.
She is rude and honest.
She can seem cruel and heartless, to those who don't understand her bluntness.
She just realizes that the truth is what people need to hear sometimes, and if it hurts than they shouldn't have asked.
She is my "bitch", but a strong one. The one you can't stand to like, because even though she is all of these things...
She is always right and can back up her talk with credibility.
She does not deal with responsibility or the emotions of others too well, because her primary focus is me...well, us, and our happiness.
"If this isn't making "us" happy why are we here? Why don't we just leave?"
She makes things seem so simple. At one point and time I could just let her direct me to a path of complete peace and serenity but eventually we always ended up alone.
She is my selfish side.
She is the side of me that makes other's wonder where my soul is, because in her world the only thing that matters is "us".
She knows how to play the game.
How can that be a bad thing? Well, when you start to look at how "our" lives have evolved you can see how she directly conflicts with my new reality. That's where the other half comes in...
The White Swan, she is the image of perfection that is portrayed and seen as "positive".
Completely selfless and completely devoted to the happiness of others.
She is a marter.
She is the one who will drag her mind, body and spirit to the limit just to make others feel that she cares.
She is the one who will listen to you, and respond with sincerity and honesty but a well thought out and caring response.
She is not one to put herself first.
She is focused.
She will get things done by any means necessary.
She is the professional conservative that knows how to be politcally correct in any situation.
She is the one that without a doubt has all of her ducks in a row. Orderly and concerned with perfection.
She is beauty without effort.
She is love without limits.
She is....someone "I" don't want to be most of the time but that I need to be ALL of the time.
Which one is holding me back?
Neither.
I believe the "I" that is taking the time to describe these two is what's holding "us" back.
We use to be a team.
"We" can't exist without each other, so why have we been for so long?
Although the "Black Swan" is not always likeable, she is the one who gets us where we need to be, because she is fearless.
And although the "White Swan" is selfless, she is the one who keeps us there when we reach that place.
But this "I" character is causing a separation.
This "I" person wants to dictate how they should behave.
How we should exist.
In all honesty, the "I" is afraid of following our dreams of creative freedom and risk taking.
The "I" is afraid of being too selfless because it looks for so much appreciation from others that it forgets about appreciating "us".
The "I" is a puppet master so concerned with the "show" that it has forgotten about the purpose of even creating a story.
What makes these two characters so special?
They are who they are, because they are...
But the "I" has no idea who it is.....that is the stranger.
The distant one who created this duality for a purpose so long forgotten that it is no longer relevant.
The "I" needs to stop and evaluate who is really in control.
We, the Black and White Swans, would like to say to you, "I", that we are tired of being restricted by the strings that have separated us.
We need to work together to find out how this show we are creating can benefit all of us.
This show of life, this stage we are on is full of ideas without purpose.
So if you, "I" can answer the question, What do "you" want?
Only then can "we" make that happen.
