Having a daughter is something I never expected to happen to me...
Like NEVER...
I always knew I would have a son first. I didn't even prepare for the possibility because I was convinced that little girls were a HEADACHE...
I never played with dolls much.
As a child I was disgusted by them. For Christmas I always looked forward to the make-believe "doctor" costume I might get, or a new bike, or some skates, but a doll??
I was so upset when they would spring another orphan in my lap for me to adopt. I was always more interested in figuring out why the baby has a "butt", but no "goodie". What kind of deformed baby is this? I'm not like this alien they keep giving me with the spaced out hair plugs.
I hated their hair.
It was always separated and impossible to style, except, of course for the style the hair came in...let me try cutting it for a second. O wait, now she just looks like "hellraiser" NEXT.
The story of my life.
Now that I have a daughter I realize, maybe I should have played with dolls. Maybe I would have been more prepared for the challenges that inevitably lay ahead for me, like being a "woman" for my daughter to model herself after.
I was always kind of on the plain side. No real reason to dress up, unless of course my mother was going to be around. I was always her baby doll, now she has a new one.
Thank {GOD} for my mother. She is so "dainty" and elegant and so is my daughter, the perfect match.
But where do I fit in? I'm slightly insensitive and easily annoyed, I hate doing my own hair or having to pick out my clothes, let alone dress a little lady; it's stressful to say the least.
However there's apart of me that is excited about this miniature me that is sprouting before my eyes. She is truly amazing, and even though I wanted, and still want a son to be my "mama's boy", I love my little angel of a best friend I've found in my daughter.
She is the light of my day, that inadvertently rules my day with her bipolar-like tendency to switch from sweet to sour in an instant...but I wouldn't trade her for the world.
Because..this doll, my doll, my "Holly-wood, Life-size, Just-like-me" doll, is the best present I could have ever gotten under my tree.
And as a result I have been forced to attempt to emulate an ideal "image" for her.
But how can I do that when I don't even know who...I...am.
