Love & Deceit

Chapter 6: Foreboding

"When The Darkness came the first time, you went out on your own to try and stop it. Not wanting to endanger any of us, because you knew what it was capable of; so you went after it while keeping us in the dark about the whole endeavor. You found a way to stop it, but...it didn't work. And The Darkness ended up swallowing you whole."

"What?! That...I why don't I remember that? And if that's true how am I still alive?!"

He took a deep breath before continuing.

"James and I found out and we found out that The Darkness doesn't actually kill you, but it traps you in an eternal void of darkness and despair; which is way worse than dying, it's like your own version of hell. You were suffering, and we couldn't do anything to stop it, and it killed me to not be able to protect you. To have lost you and know that you were hurting...I-I couldn't bear it. But then James found out the only way to get you out of it... to sacrifice oneself willingly, not by being stuck in The Darkness forever but by being erased from existence after an excruciating death. So James...he; he gave himself up for you, he left a note, because he knew I'd try to stop him if I knew what he was up to. When you came out you didn't remember anything about the entire time you were inside The Darkness and how you got to The Darkness in the first place. So we decided to keep it that way, and told you that James was killed by The Darkness, which is true."

"I...I don't...I. But...so James is dead."

"...No, we recently found out that James isn't dead. That The Darkness did erase him, but not completely; there's a fragment of his soul stuck in The Darkness, but there is no way to get him back."

"I...I need to sit down."

I was hyperventilating. I felt like a vice was gripping my chest harder and harder and harder. I'm gonna be sick. This is my fault. He died for me and he...oh my god. I...I...DAMMIT! I'm the reason my fiancé is dead. I felt the tears stream across my cheeks. And to top it all off there's no way to save him, no way to get him back...Wait a second. Ash said he couldn't lose me again...because there was only one way to get me out, therefore there's only one way to save James.

By now, Ash was lucid, the spell had worn off, but he remembered everything that had just transpired. He wore a look of defeat on his face. And then regarded me in my weeping form, and stood in absolute silence. I don't think he knows what to do in this situation; he doesn't know whether to be mad at me for using my powers on him, upset that I found out the truth he was so blatantly trying to protect me from, or worried about what I will choose to do after knowing this information. I don't even know how to feel either, but Ash's speechlessness speaks for itself, this is bad. This is really really bad. And the worst part of it is...I know what I need to do to save James, and that the real reason that Ash had wanted to keep me as far away from this as magically possible, is because Ash knows it too. The only way to save James is to sacrifice myself like he did for me. And I will gladly step up to the plate...even if it's going to hurt Ash. This is my battle; I won't let him shield me from it.

"...Raven, say something."

"..."

What does he want me to say? That I'm hurt that he lied to me for all this time? That I'm sorry for using magic on him but at the same time that I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him? That I'm mad that everyone knew about this but me? That...this is all my fault and I didn't even know about it?

"Please...say something."

"..."

I wanted to speak but my body wasn't cooperating, I was a blubbering weeping mess with a whirlwind of emotions that cannot be kept at bay. That's when Ash realized the severity of my pain; he sat next to me on the couch and hugged me, trying to bring me a small amount of comfort. I physically couldn't get any words out, I felt disconnected from the universe. Like it was so far away and I was in the world of my thoughts. I buried my face in his chest and let his brotherly embrace attempt to comfort me. When I finally found my voice it was almost inaudible.