Love & Deceit

Chapter 26: Rock - Raven - Hard place

I'm dreaming. That's the only logical explanation for what's happening right now. I proceeded to pinching my hand, over and over again, a nervous habit I've picked up over the years. But to no avail, oh who the hell am I kidding? I know this is real. Something felt off from the moment he waltzed back into my life. I should have seen this coming. But how? How does one see something like this coming? How can one prepare for the fact that the person they love is truly evil? How can one prepare for the fact that after losing said person and mourning over them, they miraculously come back only to be ripped away again? How can one prepare for the inept possibility that they may have to kill the love of their life? I'll make it short; they can't. Nothing can prepare a person for something like this. I have truly never been so lost in the entirety of my life.

I faced James with a blank expression. Not quite able to open my mouth, not quite able to say anything. A lump forming in my throat, feeling like it's taking permanent residence there. Feeling like I don't even exist. It's like after all that I've seen, my brain just cannot take anymore, and has decided to shut down completely. I stared at James' face, his beautiful face, shifting my gaze, memorizing every line, every curve, and every crevice. Seeing as after this moment, I would most probably have to kill the only man I've ever loved with all my heart. My eyes landed on his lips, the same lips that told me mere moments ago the true nature of himself. The same lips that told me they loved me on numerous occasions, and whispered sweet nothings in my ear. But all I see when I look at them now is the truth. The truth that should have gone unspoken, the ultimate paradox of life, being alive but very much dead, that's what he is to me right now, in this very moment in time. He looks like himself, sounds like himself, has traces of himself...but as far as I'm concerned? The man I love died the day he sacrificed himself for me. I don't even know who this person standing in front of me is. I was so close, so close to having everything I wanted again...but it was too good to be true, it was all a lie. A lie that made me happy, but was yanked away because of my desire to always know the truth, by the lingering doubt in the back of my mind, telling me that something wasn't quite right. At least it all makes sense now, the gem survived with him because he's The Darkness, the reason the people I found throughout my search of The Darkness were people from my past, because James left them with a bit of life in them. To give me one last chance to say goodbye to them. Or in the case of my Pegasus, Majestic, He gave me a chance to save him. Is he truly gone? Or are these small but twisted gestures ways of showing me that there's still part of the man I agreed to marry in there? Or am I just trying to hold on to anything to make me believe I could get him back? Oh my god, that's what Umumare meant...don't let love sway you.

James looked at me, trying to decipher what was going on through my mind, before walking closer to me, and taking my hands in his, as if he hadn't just told me that he's the reason the world is ending.

"I can't tell what you're thinking..."

"..."

"Raven?"

I looked down at our clasped hands. Feeling more disgusted than I had ever felt.

"..."

"Talk to me."

I yanked my hands away from his.

"You're a killer...a cold blooded killer."

He looked somewhere between neutral – as if he knew this was how I was going to react – and hurt.

"..."

"You've killed...so many people. Destroyed so many Dimensions..."

"..."