Control Alt Delete (A BH6 crossover)

Chapter Forty One: Figuring things out.

Having taken Baymax's advice, Hiro decided to go for a walk. Since he wanted some time alone, he left the robot back at the café. The healthcare bot didn't seem to mind as Mochi reclaimed his spot in his lap.

Free from the usual concerns of hiding his emotional state from others, Hiro chose to walk the system of alleys and backstreets. It probably wasn't the safest, but it was the most out of the way. He was less likely to run into someone he knew that way.

And just for something to do, he took his soccer ball with him. There were a few places he could go where he felt sure no one would disturb him. He'd used those places many times in the past, back before he'd graduated high school. He could go there and just think, sure that most kids his age, or older, wouldn't disturb him. At the time, that's all he'd ever wanted. That and to be just like Tadashi.

Now he kicked his ball against the brick wall of the open square, hands in his pockets as he tried to reason out everything swimming around in his head. The unfortunate thing was that nothing seemed to move at the same pace in his thoughts. Like the feeling of having his mind blended up, he still wasn't sure how everything fit together.

Despite this sensation, there were a few things Hiro was sure of. One, his current attempts to save Tadashi's life had basically failed. The only exception was the current timeline, and that was still up in the air. Two, every time he messed up, he somehow ended up dying. Three, every time he died, he came back to life in a new timeline, a little more worse for wear than in the previous incarnation. Logic dictated that if this cycle continued, he'd eventually be unable to do anything but melt into a useless puddle of goo, like some kind of ameba. He couldn't allow that to happen.

Hiro felt fairly sure about one more thing. He was doing something wrong. He just didn't know what yet.

The soccer ball rolled to one side as Hiro stared at the wall. His chest tightened. All he'd ever cared about was Tadashi. Hadn't he? Saving him had been his objective. And now he felt like he'd betrayed his brother by even thinking, for the smallest of moments, that he wasn't worth saving.

No. That was wrong. It wasn't that Tadashi wasn't worth saving. Everyone was worth saving. Being a Big Hero had taught him that. Everyone was worth saving. But not everyone could or should be saved. And he wasn't the one who got to make the call.

If experience told him anything, Tadashi was worth saving. But experience also told him that by trying to save Tadashi, he kept messing up. It was only a matter of time before things blew up in his face once more. And the idea terrified him.

Hiro went down to his knees, heedless of the grit that dug into his exposed skin. Something ripped painfully inside his chest, like someone had taken red hot pincers and pulled his very soul apart. Without realizing it, Hiro screamed in anguish as he folded over, head pressed against the ground, arms wrapped around his chest.

Behind his closed eyelids, images flashed like fireworks. Tadashi's face as he realized he heard the sound of the fire alarm, his eyes large in worry and concern. Tadashi as he gave Hiro that one look before plunging into the burning showcase building. The look on Tadashi's face as he realized Hiro was in the warehouse with Callaghan, even though Tadashi was the one being held at gunpoint. The cries of pain his brother made as he fell to the ground when Callaghan shot him through the leg, then the shoulder.

It hurt. It hurt so much Hiro wondered if his heart would just give out. Sobs tore through him. He couldn't save Tadashi. No matter what he did, he couldn't do it. Tadashi couldn't be saved.

Callaghan's still in there. Someone has to help.

Those words shocked Hiro into some semblance of calm, though it was more like an exhausted one. He lay still, his back against the cement as he stared blindly up at the sky. Somewhere above, a bird called out. A few clouds passed overhead, momentarily shading him from the harsh sun.