Little Deaths In Musical Beds (Brendon Urie)

Chapter Sixteen: The Bruises And Contusions Will Remind Me What You Did

(Aveline's POV)

Brendon knew I knew, but we didn't talk about it. It was pride on my part. I didn't want to admit he cheated on me. My heart was already broken from his drug use and the fact that it seemed like he only wanted me for sex. I guess he's done with that though, because he hasn't tried in a couple of weeks. When he and I are on the bus together we don't talk much. It's like he's a stranger, which kills me, but I never let it show, not to him anyway. If we have a hotel room for the night I go to bed early and don't ask him what his plans are. We're an old married couple already, and we aren't even twenty yet.

My time is spent with Ryan mostly. He's been there for me since all of this started. Brendon glares at us. He hates the two of us pairing up. He probably knows we're talking about him. There hasn't been a night since Brendon was unfaithful that I haven't cried about it but always, always to Ryan. He tells me Brendon is just going through something that it will pass and everything will be fine. He knows I don't believe him, but I always smile in appreciation that he's willing to try to make me feel better. I'm not attracted to Ryan in any way, but Brendon thinks I am and unfortunately this makes things worse for us.

I keep trying to go over it in my mind, what went wrong you know. How did it all go down? He promised me that he'd talk to me if something were bothering him, and especially if that something was Ryan, which I knew it was. If he were so attracted to Ryan why would I stop him? I understood his bisexuality and if he needed to have both I would let him but not without a full discussion on the matter. I need to know how he feels, but he's been closed off for weeks. He's not even Brendon anymore, he's a coked up teenaged boy who's lost his way. The lights have been turned out in his head, and he's walking around blind, bumping into things, knocking them over, breaking them, then getting angry when it was him who turned out the damn light in the first place. God, I am so angry with him!

I pull a few things out of my duffel bag and decide to head in to the hotel with the rest of them. I've been out here for a while. Zack was kind enough to keep watch outside while I had time to myself. When I step off of the bus I thank him, but he pulls me aside and starts a conversation with me. I think it's odd that he would do this right now because it's late, but I engage him anyway. The conversation lasts forever it seems. He keeps glancing over my shoulder at the front doors to the hotel. He's acting fishy. Finally, I excuse myself to go telling him I have to shower and go to bed. He reluctantly says goodnight, and I disappear inside.

The hotel is nice. I don't bother hurrying to the room. It'll just be awkward silences and weird sideways glances hoping someone will say something, but they never will. We are both too stubborn right now, even though he is the one who should be kissing my ass. I don't expect him too though. Even after all he's done I still love him. He's still my best friend. He's still the little boy that I met in kindergarten that wouldn't share the crayon with me. Looks like we're not sharing our crayon again, only this time it hurts a whole lot more.

I fiddle with the card key and the damn thing takes forever to work. Finally, the green light pops on and the door opens. I hear sounds, and my heart stops. He's not. No fucking way. The tears are already forming in my eyes as I reach for the light switch then flip it on. My mouth falls open, yes, yes he is doing what I thought he was doing, but it's so much worse than I had imagined. He is naked and on his knees on the bed, the girl in front of him bent over on all fours, he is inside of her because he keeps fucking her even though I've walked in. I can't believe he is doing this. What kind of sick fuck has he turned into? He leans over her and snorts a line off of her back. He throws his head back and wipes his nose. Then, he does something unforgivable. He turns to me, the wickedest grin on his face I've ever seen and he says it. He asks the question that ends our relationship, our friendship, that ends us.

"Wanna join?"

I say nothing because I can't. My throat is dry, and it feels like it's swelling up. I feel like I can't breathe. Even when I try to speak nothing comes out, so I leave and I never look back. The tears are dropping fast and furiously now, my body is shaking, and I feel as if I may explode. I bump into someone, but I don't care. They call my name, but I just can't right now. Then, I feel a hand on my arm. It spins me around.

"Ave," It's Ryan's voice, "Hey, what happened? Are you okay?"

My arms immediately go around Ryan's torso, my head buries into his shoulder, and tears are soaking his shirt as he pulls me along to his room. He sits us both down on the bed and puts his arm around me. I love that I can sit in silence with him and not explain myself. He waits for me to calm down, then I speak.

"I'm done Ryan," my voice is shaky, "I want to go home."

He brushes some of my hair out of my face and leans down to try and catch my eyes, but I'm not giving them up so easy tonight.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" He asks brushing tears off of my cheek with his fingers.

"Yes," I tell him, more tears coming, "I want him out of my life. I never want to see him again."

"Those are serious words Ave, you better mean them if you say them," he warned.

"I do," I state matter-of-factly. I look at him, my eyes are wide as I grab onto his shoulders, "Please Ry, please send me home," I beg him.

"I thought you didn't have a home?"

"My sister," I swallow hard, "That's where all of my things are," I explain.

He takes my hand, "Then I'll make sure you get to your sisters," he promised, "Come on," he pulls on my hand, "Let's go talk to Zack, see how quick we can get you out of here."

Part of me didn't want to see Zack because now I know that's why he kept looking over his shoulder. He knew Brendon had a girl in our room. If he knew why didn't he just tell me? We were certainly close enough that he could have right? No, his loyalty was to Brendon not me, and if I never heard that name again it wouldn't be soon enough. So, I walk with Ryan. We go down a floor to where Zack is staying. He seems a little annoyed we are knocking on his door, but once he sees my face he knows that I know, and I've seen it. He knows this is why I'm crying. Ryan and I step inside the room, and then Ryan begins to explain the situation. Well, the situation of my wanting to go home. He doesn't know what's happened. To my relief Zack gets me a flight out first thing in the morning, and Ryan tells me I can stay in his room.

The next morning I know Brendon will be up late so it works for me. I say goodbye to everyone and let them know they are more than welcome to talk to me anytime they want. I spend extra time with Ryan.

"Do me a favor okay?" I ask him straightening out his jacket.

"Sure, anything," he agrees.

"Take care of him for me," I bite my lip and choke back sobs.

He looks surprised that I would care, but nods in agreement. I keep my cool until I get to the airport bathroom and then I lose it. The reality sits in that I've just left Brendon, for good. I'll never see him again, never hear him laugh or see him smile, never feel his touch again, his kiss, his - Oh God, I can't. I have to, but it's Brendon. I compose myself after a few minutes, and when they call for my plane to board I get on it, and just like at the hotel, I don't look back.