Little Deaths In Musical Beds (Brendon Urie)

Chapter Eighteen: I'm Thinking That My Spider's Dead

A local grocery store, Las Vegas, Nevada 2010

Overcrowding has always been a problem in Las Vegas, but the day before Thanksgiving in a grocery store in Vegas was like the apocalypse. Aveline hadn't expected to find herself back in her hometown for the holiday, in fact she expected to have flown back to Los Angeles already. However, her flight was cancelled due to some weird technical issues. The truth was, it made her uncomfortable being there. Too many memories in this grocery store, and she'd done well this year not thinking about Brendon or what he was doing. She wondered if he'd done the same. It had been three years since she'd gotten on that plane and flown out of his life, changing everything for both of them. For the first few months, she was too angry to even think of speaking to him, but then she began to hope for him to make contact, though he never did. She assumed it was really over, and eventually gave up all hope.

Aveline enrolled in college when she left the Nothing Rhymes with Circus tour. She majored in creative writing and minored in journalism. Now, she wrote for one of the most popular columns on the web. The Los Angeles times called her shortly after her column on the web had taken off and offered her a column in their paper. Naturally, she was excited for the job opportunity, but knowing that Brendon also lived in LA made her hesitant. She decided she was being ridiculous. It was a big city, and the chances of them running into each other were slim to none. So, she packed her bags and made the move.

She was supposed to have Thanksgiving with Ella and her husband in Connecticut, but the weather prevented her from flying to the east coast and an old friend called out of the blue wanting to see her, which was the reason for her being in Vegas. She drummed her fingers on the handle bar of the cart as she paced up and down the isle. So lost in her choice of music, she didn't notice that she was headed for a collision. Then, bam! She grabbed her headphones out of her ears immediately and looked up. Her mouth dropped open, but the woman in front of her only smiled, the kind of smile that said: I missed you, where have you been? It was Grace Urie, Brendon's mom.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Aveline apologized, "I'm so in my head these days," she laughed.

Grace rushed over to her, pulled her in her arms and squeezed her so tight she thought she might pop right there.

"Aveline my dear!" Grace exclaimed, "How are you? I haven't seen in you in what?"

"Three years," Aveline answered finishing her question.

Grace brushed her hand across Aveline's cheek, "Now," she made a sad face, "That's far too long."

Aveline's eyes hit the ground, "Yeah," she didn't say so, but Aveline could tell from the look in Grace's eyes that Brendon had told her what happened. She wondered how many of the details he'd left out.

"How long are you in town for?" Grace asked stepping back a bit.

"Until after Thanksgiving, my flight got cancelled, imagine that," She joked as if it were old times.

"Are you all alone on Thanksgiving?"

"I mean," Aveline shrugs, "I was thinking about eating at my friend's house, but it's kinda crazy there and I'm-"

"You should have it with us," Grace suggested.

What? Did she just? She can't be serious.

"It'll be like old times," she smiled, "Beside, you and Brendon haven't seen each other in a long time. He'll be happy to see you."

Wait. He will? Since when?

"I don't know if that's such-"

"Aveline," Grace took her hand, "I know things didn't go well between the both of you, and it's not my business really, but I do know that the friendship you had was real, the bond, you don't find that in just any old place."

Aveline knew she was right, but she didn't think she was ready for it. Seeing Brendon after all this time would bring up a lot of emotions that she had buried, a lot of bad emotions. She had forgiven him, but she hadn't done it to his face, and she wasn't sure if she could.

"I'm sorry," Aveline whispered, tears building in her eyes, "I-I don't think I can."

"My darling girl," Grace rubbed Aveline's hand, "If you only knew how much you were missed," she kissed her cheek, "If you change your mind, the invite still stands."

Grace slowly pulled her cart out of the way and passed Aveline. The thought of seeing Brendon again excited her, but at the same time it scared her. They could immediately connect again. They could not. She could forgive him all over again. She could spit in his face. There was no telling what would happen, and she knew if she didn't go she'd regret it. She had to know, was what they had still there? Did he still feel that same pull toward her that she still felt toward him? The only way for her to get answers was to go. She sighed, and then started thinking of all of the times she'd wanted to be there for him. When he started seeing Ryan, when he broke up with Ryan, when the band broke up because of it. She hadn't been there to wrap her arms around him and tell him everything would be okay, but he hadn't been there to wrap his arms around her the nights she cried herself to sleep because he chose the drugs over her. It was all happening so fast. One minute he was gone and out of her life, the next his mother was inviting her to Thanksgiving dinner. She let out another sigh and continued pushing the cart through the grocery store. She'd made up her mind. She was going to go. She had to. It was the only way. Not a lot of people got second chances, but they were getting one. She would be stupid not to act on it. She had questions that needed answered, and he was the only one who could do that for her. So, she would get her answers, because she deserved them, and because she still loved him. She hoped he still loved her. If he didn't she would have to learn how to be his friend all over again and that would be rather complicated considering how many times he'd been inside of her, screaming out her name, breathing into her ear...Yes, she was going, to talk to him, to see him, to yell at him, to anything as long as it involved him.