And Here's To Nowhere

Chapter 1 Death

    In an old home, there was this man called Andy. He had quite smooth skin and a short white beard and shoulder length hair. He was a few minutes away from death and he was fully aware of this, well he was now, because he had died.
    He opens his eyes to find himself floating off his death bed but no one could see him. He went past the roof and a gush of green and blue wind flew past him. When he opened his eyes, he saw a huge spiral marble staircase. He followed it and he was in a field of amazing green grass and and beautiful blue skies. He turned around to see a man in white standing with a smile. He said
"Hello, my names Gabriel. You died, what a fucking shame!"
"Hey that's rude!"
"Ok, anyway, go over that hill you'll see either heaven or hell. Just go in one."
Andy looked at Gabe with confusion.
"I'm a spirit! Piss off!" Gabe shouted "do you know how little your life matters in the grand scheme of things."
"No?"
"Little. I don't give a shit about you no one in so called 'reality' gives a shit 'bout you and either God or the Devil won't. So do us all a favour, and Fock OF!!"
Andy walked away feeling more suicidal than ever. But he realised he was dead. He walked over the hill to see
God and Lucifer about three time the size of him. They both had open arms, welcoming Andy in to Heaven and Hell.
"Where and I going?"
God and Lucifer turned to look at each other as if they didn't know the other was there.
"What are you doing here? God shouted with a loud controlling voice.
"Andy's a dick! He belongs in hell. Lucifer hissed.
"Let's look at the evidence, all he's done is, steal sixteen cars, kill a man I cold blood and rob a bank. Not bad"
"Look do you want a fight mate!" He's going to Hell!"
"Yes I'll fight you!"
"Great, Andy will watch and see who's best!"
God flung himself at lucifer and got him to the ground. Lucifer smacked God over the face sending him flying. He then ran after him. They carried on the fight far out of Andy's view.
Andy turned around and shouted
"Gabriel!! They can't decide!"
He turned to look at him and flipped him off.
"You hate me don't you" Andy shouted. Gabriel gave a little clap of sarcasm as Andy's frown grew heavy and heavy.
"Just go in one of the doors!!" Gabe shouted.
So Andy tried, but he couldn't reach the massive knobs hanging from the hairy doors. Walking over to Gabe, Andy found himself suicidal again.
"Do you have a knife?" He asked Gabe.
"Why"
"To spread the butter on my toast."
"Oh ok" Gabe gave him a really blunt knife and Andy belt it against the left side of his neck. He sneezed and the knife flew right, cutting his neck open. Blood fling everywhere and even in Gabe's mouth