Beside the Undying Fire

Chapter 23

I froze.

"Yes?" I turned towards him.

"I was headed out on a run. Would you care to join?" He questioned firmly.

He never spoke to me so firm before. Now I knew, he was speaking to me as an acquaintance, no longer as a friend. He used to speak in this heart-stealing voice. It was calm, deep, and it always caused an extra heartbeat. But now, he talked as if I was an enemy. Raising his voice almost. I felt my chest shatter.

"I would." I nodded.

"Meet me at the edge of Dale as soon as you have what you need." He turned and walked away.

I quickly made my way back to my home. For once I had not brought Arvendel with me. It was surprising.

So much was going through my mind that I'd forgotten my only source of defence.

Which made me think of Ariannell.

Few days had passed since her death. Some Dwarves had gone to her death sight to mourn her. I did not. I didn't go, I couldn't. I couldn't mourn her death, because it was entirely my fault. I did not deserve to be there.

I didn't go to anyone's funeral anymore, there wasn't many to begin with, because the death never stops. I didn't like goodbyes, I'd rather go knowing that it wasn't implied, that we had to say farewell being fully aware that they surely would not comeback.

It was the same reason I didn't say goodbye to Thorin when he left for the Ettenmoors years ago.

I grabbed my sword and immediately headed to Dale.

It was already almost dark, the sun neared its last few minutes of shining.

I saw Thorin at the edge of Dale, speaking to the guard.

I neared them and Thorin acknowledged me.

He began walking, not saying a word. I walked behind him as we headed straight through Dale.

We neared the edge of the forest and began down the trail. The trees covered the little bits of light that still shone. They were like umbrellas drowning out the lights, not allowing them to hit so brightly.

It remained silent.

I knew he wasn't overly happy about taking me. But what choice did he have? He took me merely because I was convenient and able to fight.

We walked in silence for a long portion of the journey.

He did not speak a word of my confession. Nothing was said about it. It's not one of those things you get over in the course of a few days. For 9 years I'd kept it secret. I knew it would kill him, and for 9 years it killed me, but I'd rather it kill me than him. I did make a mistake of telling him, but I did not regret going in the least bit, I may have saved lives, perhaps not, but even the slightest swing of my sword must have done something. I attempted to battle Azog, I may not have been successful, but that could very well have been a fatality that came to many other, maybe even Thorin, but I was glad it was me and not him.

"May I ask what this run is for?" I caught up to him, trying to break the line of silence.

"Another pack of Orcs was spotted running near our borders. A small pack." He said firmly. He didn't look at me.

"They grow fiercely in number. But we will stop it, I assure you." I looked ahead

He said nothing. I didn't expect him to. He was disappointed. I should be ecstatic that he even did me the honour of taking me on this run.

It was now dark. A cluster of stars shone bright, and the moon even brighter.

A screech sounded in the distance. It was clearly the pack. He began running. I immediately followed.

The screams and snarls got louder as we closed in on them.

A Warg jumped out from the right towards Thorin. He turned and slashed its head towards the ground and immediately planted his sword into its skull.

We continued running. Their silhouettes appeared in the distance, getting closer.

We gathered speed.

They reached us as they swung towards us.

Thorin yelled a powerful battle cry as he deflected a swing directed at his head and drove his sword into the Warg's head, leaving the Orc atop of it tumbling down.

It fell onto me.

I shoved it off and forced my sword through it's chest

I turned to see an Orc ready to swing. I stopped it's attempt as I slashed my sword into it's throat. It fell forward as it's eyes rolled back and it dropped it's sword.

Thorin turned and shot an Orc off of his sword.

Another Warg jumped out from a nearby bush, aiming directly for Thorin, who had his back to it, fighting an Orc.

I jumped to his back, almost pushing him. The Warg jumped and I aimed my sword up at it's head. It abruptly shifted and my blade only planted into it's shoulder. It landed on top of me, throwing me to the ground and pushing Thorin away even more as he drove his sword into the final Orc.

The Warg snarled and growled, trying with everything it had to bite me. It scratched my forehead as I kicked it's huge chest. Thorin turned and drove his sword into its head and threw it down as it screeched and stopped breathing.

That was the last of them. My forehead bleed viciously. I sat up touching my head and getting blood all upon my hands. Thorin came over and offered a hand to help me up.

I took it and he pulled me up.

I felt my forehead again.

He nodded, as if saying thank you for my deed.

He looked at the cut on my forehead. "You'll live." He said walking past me and patting my shoulder. That shattered my heart and fixed it at the same time. He finally made contact with me, I thought he wouldn't.

But he merely patted my shoulder and said "You'll live." Just as he would do with his brethren, not a close one either, more of a distant, barely acquainted one.

For years he would take his sleeve or rip a piece of cloth from my dress and wipe the blood away. But now, now I was nothing more than a maiden who betrayed his trust and defied his orders.

I was nothing to him. Or at least, not anymore.

We immediately headed back. The blood from my forehead wouldn't stop.

It was dark, but the combination of lights from the star clusters and moon lit up the night. The cluster of stars was beautifully shaped but still allowed stars to scatter around the night.

The entire journey back was silent. I held back my cries, they sat at the back of my throat, waiting for me to break.

I realized I was nothing to him, when he was everything to me.

~

We got back to the mountain and parted ways.

"It was an honour, Thorin. Have a good night." I choked the words up, but didn't look at him.

"I'm sure it was. Good night." He immediately walked in the opposite direction.

A tear rolled down my face.

He walked away like it was nothing.

Like I was nothing.