Slim [Frerard]

ｔｏｌｖ- 12

The seemingly innocent and clean denim jacket laid across Gerard on his bed while Gerard himself was seated on the fluffy carpet who covered most of his bedroom floor. As much as he wanted to shred the damn jacket into millions of pieces, Gerard did not fancy touching it at all either.

It felt as if he were having a staring competition with a piece of fabric, which in reality was what he was doing, but Gerard refused to stop until he actually knew what he was going to do with this situation he had not asked for. As if Gerard wasn’t struggling with enough already, the stupid whoreface of his ex had to drop of the denim jacket, which had been expensive, as if telling him that their relationship had never really mattered.

Blinking some, Gerard realized in that moment that it actually had never really matter for Nathan. It never had. Not from the moment they shared their first to kiss to when they made it official, and that realization struck him hard. His heart felt as if it had been ripped out, run over by a truck, poorly sewed together again and then placed back inside his chest.

That moment of clearness set off a wave of anger who started from the pit of his stomach and raised higher and higher until it ended as a chocked scream into the fluffy carpet. Gerard had finally had enough. He was tired of suppressing everything, he was tired of being a pity case and lastly: he was tired of staring holes into a jacket who did nothing but provoke memories Gerard needed erased from his mind.

The jacket could go fuck itself.

Sending it one last dirty look as he stormed out of his room, Gerard felt surprisingly a bit better than what he had felt the last days. He could only imagine how much better he would feel after destroying the denim jacket and it was the only thing Gerard had in mind as he grabbed the first scissors he saw with a shaky hand.

However, when Gerard saw his bedroom door getting closer for each step he took, he felt himself start to shake even more.

Did he not want to cut the jacket into pieces?

Did he not want to get rid of the only thing he had left from his ex as the final step of breaking free?

Gerard wanted to break free so badly, because the sheer memory of Nathan’s hurtful and manipulating words had him reduced into a shaking, sobbing, and anxious mess in mere seconds. The fact that even though they had broken up and Gerard had moved away and changed schools, Nathan still had Gerard in the palm of his hand. Gerard himself was aware of the fact and it scared him.

Then why had he stopped? The scissors were still in his hand and the jacket still laid on his bed.

Gerard wanted this so bad.

No, he needed this so bad.

Gripping the scissors even tighter, he made his way into his own room, staring at the jacket with disgust.

He could do this.

Correction – he needed to do this.  

Why was the simple task to tear a jacket into pieces so hard all of a sudden?

Not being able to decide what he was feeling at the moment, Gerard took a moment just breathing and trying to collect himself.

The whole thing was so conflicting and messy.

Gerard wanted more than anything to get rid of the jacket who currently occupied his bed, well, it was more as if Gerard had no intentions of being close to the ugly piece of fabric seeing as it still reminded him of his ex and still smelt like him. Yet, there was something he couldn’t quite put his finger on who stopped him from throwing it out of his window in form of tiny pieces.