Suburbia|tronnor|

75%c

I stayed in bed until nightfall. The sunset seemed longer. I watched it from the mirror reflecting the window and it seemed like I was slowly watching my dreams die, and I longed to take pictures of the blast of colors in the sky.

I was still shaking and wiping tears from my eyes 5 hours later. I knew I couldn't see Troye again, for both of our safety. But I couldn't bear not talking to him. We have almost every day since we were 8.

//

A few days later, I pulled myself together. I came out to help my pop with his boats. We cleaned and repainted a few and repaired holes and broken boards.

After a while, he said, "I'm proud of you, ya know." I don't think he's ever said that to me.

I smiled and thought, 'I really have my dad back.'

I was instantly happy and optimistic, thinking about how we were gonna turn our lives around. Maybe, he'd even accept me and Troye together. Then, I'd help him get better and we'll live long happy lives together.

Unrealistic, but a beautiful thought.

"What's that f*g doing here?" My pop said, snapping me out of my hope filled trance. He sounded so angry I was afraid to turn around.

"When I get my hands on him I'm gonna-" I cut him off and said, "Don't worry. I got this. I'll take care of him."

I jogged up to Troye. I wanted to hug him and kiss him and all the feels came rushing back. I knew what I was about to do was going to absolutely kill me.

"Connor, hey." He said, smiling. He opened his arms for a hug but I pushed him back. I felt that right in my heart.

He looked confused and taken back. He adorably cocked his head to the side and with his curls slightly bouncing, asked, "What's wrong? What happened to your eye?" It really took everything in me not to drag him in the house and reenact what we did a few days earlier .

"Look," I said. "You gotta go. I don't want you here" I pointed at the direction he came from, and I felt like my pop when he pointed at me.

Still, he pushed.

He put his hand on my cheek and asked again, "What's up with your eye?"

I slapped his hands away, but at the same time, wanting to hold them.

"Just calm down, okay? Connor, I hope I didn't ruin our friendship. To be honest, we both wanted it though." He tried to put his hand on my shoulders, but again, I slapped his hands away.

I looked back at my pop who was furiously listening to every word.

"No," I had to pause. It felt like everything was shattering in slow motion and my pulse ceased to exist. "I didn't enjoy it, you f*g. Get outta here. I never wanna see you again."

As the smile fell from his face, I fell with it, our faces blue with sadness. It seemed like there was a heart stain on the ground from where I tore his out and stomped on it.

His eyes watered as he nodded and turned on his heals. His head hung low as he walked away. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run to him and wipe the tears from his cheeks and tell him that I meant nothing I just said.

Instead, I took a deep breath, looked up to the sky to try to make my tears go away, and I turned to look at my dad who was smiling proudly.

//

You gotta make them proud, boy
'Till they put you in the ground, boy
All you gotta do is trust that I'm being true
And do it for the people who love you

//
Awe this chapter made me sad