hatred // chris schistad

six.

LØRDAG.

sat on her bed, supertramp playing softly in the backgroud, alex is reading a book. she sings along softly while taking in every word and sentence of her book.

this is the first time since she moved here that alex is having an evening at home, just reading and listening to music.

she leaves her room and goes into the kitchen to herself a tea.

'hey sweetie, haven't seen you much today. you okay?' asks her mum with a smile.

'yeah, i just needed to spend some time to myself.'

'we haven't spoken a lot lately because you're always out with your friends, how's school?'

'good good. i'm doing well and my norwegian is getting a lot better.' she says with a smile while pouring the boiling water into the cup.

'the headteacher did call us the other day to tell us about your progress and we're proud of you alexandra.'

'thanks mom, i'm going to go back to my room now. i'm sure i'm getting my period soon and i don't want to be a pain in the ass.' she says taking her cup and going into her room.

alex puts the cup down by the side of her bed and goes to the change the vinyl. while she's changing it, she notices in the corner of her eye a shadow pass her window. she looks at her window for a few seconds before shrugging it off. when the music starts to play she hears someone knock on the window, she walks to her nervously pulls back the curtain revealing the shadowy figure behind it.

'what are you doing here?' she says in shock but not to loudly, quickly opening the door and letting him in.

'i want to take you out for a drive.' he says looking around her bedroom.

'it's nearly midnight chris!' whispers alex.

'and? it's the perfect time for a drive.' he says looking through her vinyls.

'and stop looking through my stuff!' she says moving him away from her records.

'come on put a hoodie on and some shoes. we're going for a drive.'

❁ ❁

'where are you taking me?' asks alex sat in the front seat of chris's black bmw.

'i'm not telling you.' he says with a smirk, eyes focused on the road.

'if you're taking me to your house and think we're going to have sex then you can stop the car right now.' says alex making chris laugh.

'i'm not taking you to my house. i said we're going for a drive.'

'to go on a drive there must be a destination.'

'not all the time. sometimes people drive to clear their heads.' says chris  turning right down a small road. alex looks out the window, confused by her surroundings, before chris comes to a stop.

'wow.' says alex in shock.

'you want to come outside and have a look?' asks chris getting out the car. chris sits on the front of his car.

'what do you think?' asks chris with a blanket in his hands.

'it's beautiful.' she replies in shock.

chris has taken her to a point in oslo where you can see the entire city.

'here.' says chris passing her an end of the blanket. she takes the end and wraps it around her shoulders while chris does the same next to her. alex flinches a bit when chris's arm touches hers.

'calm down alex, i don't bite.' he says laughing slightly.

they both sit there in silence, both admiring the view. they both had different meanings of view. for alex it was the oslo skyline and for chris it was alex even though he could barely see her face.

'why did you take me here?' asks alex looking at him, finally speaking up.

'i wanted to talk to you. but away from school, away from the city.'

'okay, what do you want to talk about?' she asks confused.

'you see alex, people don't understand me. they know me as penetrator chris not chris schistad. no one takes the actual time to know the real me. people understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint about them understanding me.'

'sleeping with loads of girls isn't going to help people get to know you better.' says alex making chris sigh.

'alex let me tell you a story about this six year boy. one day this boy came home from school happy as could be.  he saw his mother's car parked in front of the house, he was happy, he hadn't seen him mum lately she was always busy working. he went in the house and called for his mother. he got no response so he went upstairs and heard moaning and someone's name being said. he went inside his mother's room and saw her in bed with another man who wasn't his father. the man quickly got his clothes on while mother kept repeating the words "don't tell daddy about this" but the little boy had to. a week later his mother left to live with this other man. turns out she had an affair with this man for over three years. the father was heartbroken, drank away his feelings away until he couldn't see. the father was in no fit state to look after his son so the little boy was taken into a foster home and never saw his parents again.' explains chris, alex looks at him and carefully listens to every word he's saying.

'you're the little boy.' says alex quietly.

'that is why i am like i am. i've never seen what love or being loved is like. while some people use drugs or alcohol to take away the pain. i use partying, i know it's not healthy but i can't help it. the alcohol and the sex makes me forget my past.' says chris looking down.

'i wish i knew what being loved felt like alex, i really do. was i the reason my mom cheated? didn't she want me? and why did no one foster me? i saw people come and go from the foster home, i was the only one who never was fostered.' he says, voice starting to crack as tear rolls down his cheek.

alex stays silent before wrapping her arms around him as he softly cries into her shoulders.

'it's okay let it out.' she says rubbing his back.

the people who smile the brightest are the saddest.