2𝘽𝙍𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙈𝙀 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆ʳᵉⁱᵈ

i loved and i lost you

i loved and i lost you

f o u r

He woke up to an empty bed, like he has for the past 6 months, he had stopped fighting every night, and instead moved it to fighting once every week. He was fighting tomorrow night.

He got up and got dressed, a lot of things had happened in those 6 months, JJ had left the BAU. He did have brunch with her, Will, and Henry every Saturday, unless he had a case. He went to work like normal, but there was something different about today. Today was Karyn's birthday, she'd be 28.

"Happy Birthday"

He whispered softly to nothing before grabbing his stuff and leaving. It hurt more than ever today, he didn't know if he could focus today.

"Hey, you okay Reid?"

"Yeah, I'm fine"

He nodded and Emily raised an eyebrow.

"I'm here if you need to talk"

"I don't need to talk about anything, okay?"

She nodded, having gotten used to his coldness. A few days after the incident, she realized that she was in the wrong, it wasn't Spencer's fault, and she was still a little mad at him for not being able to stop her, but she was more mad at herself for not being able to help her.

There was silence, and the air grew solemn. He blinked back tears, letting out a small cry. He looked to Emily.

"Today's her birthday"

His voice broke and Emily nodded, her eyes tearing up as well.

"I know, I'm sorry"

"Why did she have to die? It doesn't make any sense to me, she was so good, to everyone, why did she have to go through the things she did?"

"I don't know"

"Do you," He licked his lips, adverting his gaze. "Do you think she suffered?"

"God I hope not"

Another silence fell upon them, and she just settled her hand on his shoulder, pulling out a picture from her pocket, a picture of Karyn. It was printed out by Penelope after Karyn had died, and Emily kept it with her. She held it out to Spencer.

He looked at it and bit his lip, hot tears streaming down his face.

"We can do something for her birthday"

"Pizza, it was her favorite"

"Yeah, we'll get pizza"

Emily patted Spencer's shoulder, walking off, wiping her tears away. Morgan, Rossi, and Hotch were talking, Emily approached them.

"Um, Reid and I are going for pizza tonight, would you like to join?"

Morgan smiled sadly, nodding, knowing the occation.

"The occasion?"

Emily looked at Rossi and she wringed her hands before licking her lips.

"Karyn's birthday"

"We'll be there"

"Losing people you love affects you. It is buried inside of you and becomes this big, deep hole of ache. It doesn’t magically go away, even when you stop officially mourning"
— Carrie Jones